An Idea I Have Had...Just Moved

[red.yoshi]

Woot! We are all busy, so don't worry about it. Take your time =3.

[Garr]

redyoshi said:

Woot! We are all busy, so don't worry about it. Take your time =3.

God, I understand the need to give good feedback, but this is ridiculous. If you're going to comment on a story, don't comment EVERY chapter with "omfg u so awsum". Put some thought into it instead of a generic one-liner describing how much you love the author. It makes you look like you skimmed the story, or like you're just sucking up.

[red.yoshi]

Well, a comment is better than no comment at all. I'm sure Sanjoyoshi wouldn't be writing this if it weren't for my comments of enthusiasm and interest. I wouldn't be talking for someone who doesn't give feedback all that often.

But, as you wish, lord wannabe back-seat moderator Garr, I shall elaborate on my feedback.

P.S. I'm glad you read this story, and can actually give a well written summary. I'm also so proud(enthusiasm attached x5) that you're actually giving feedback on Sanjo's work.

[Sanjo]

...just going to sit back and stay out of this one... >.<

So, this is the new chapter. I've been having a writer's block ever since I finished my thesis (which I still cringe whenever I hear the words 'thesis' or 'Kennedy' *shudders*), but here's what I have anyway! Hope you enjoy, and sorry for the wait!

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Chapter 8: A Queen’s Pawn

Todd had let go of John’s ear as soon as they reached the door to the infamous room 109. John’s ear, now a steamy red, throbbed with pain as he gently rubbed it.
“You know, you didn’t have to do that. I was getting up anyway.”
“Yeah, but…I like to kick you around sometimes. Allows me have my fun for a little bit. So, get her off of your mind, and let’s-“
“For the last time! I haven’t been thinking of her!” John was ready to floor him for this one. Todd had publicly humiliated him in front of the group with a false reading. John hadn’t been thinking of Lauren the whole day, and never in that sense.
“Fine, I’ll give you that…but still, its time to move on and finish your mind training. Ready?”
John situated himself in front of him, ready for anything he was about to throw at him, or so he hoped. “Ready. What’s next?”
“Well, here’s something new for you: Once someone has been able to master reading another person’s Vibes, another person with the same ability won’t be able to read yours, but the same goes vice versa. For example, what I am going to do is tell you to think of something, and I want to you at the same time to try to pick up my own Vibes.”
“But wait, didn’t you just say-“
“Yes, I know. You won’t be able to pick mine up. That’s not the point. The point is to get you used to keeping your mind open, but also closed off to others. This is extremely hard to do on the first try, so it will take a while to get used to it. Sometimes, it may feel like a punch to the gut, but we’ll see. So, here’s your first question to think of: What is your take on the whole field trip that is coming up fairly soon?”
John closed his eyes, trying to get a feel for what Todd was talking about. Once he thought he was ready, he began to think. “Well, it seems pretty odd, but-“ Suddenly, he fell backwards, landing on top of a nearby desk with an odd sensation filling up his stomach.
“Very well done! I didn’t expect you to get to this point that quickly. You must have done very well with Lauren last night.”
“Wait, isn’t falling back failing?” John rose slowly, his ear still in immense pain and his stomach now churning uncomfortably. The pain almost made him double-over and faint, but he held his body in place leaning on the desk.
“Not necessarily. When you are thrown back like that, it means that you are resisting one’s attempt to read you. However, they were able to overpower your Vibes to be able to knock you back violently. They can’t read your mind when this happens, so all’s well that ends well…sort of…in any case, ready to try again?” John nodded, squinting at whatever his foggy eyes could fix onto, and the training continued.
The sun was blazing down onto the school, letting its rays fill every window that it could reach. The one cloud from the morning had disintegrated into thin air, leaving not a single white puff of smoke in the clear, blue air. Room 109 was lit up by the sun, revealing every inch of the room to any onlookers. Inside, John had been thrown back numerous of times, each time making him feel queasy and faint. The sun had moved a full hundred and twenty degrees through the sky from the horizon until John had finally been released from his hard work. Although he hadn’t physically changed, he felt like he just did an intense workout on his abs. He was about to leave the room when Sarah stood in his way.
“Nope, not yet, tiger! We still have some work to do.”
“Are you kidding?!” John was panting slightly, using all of his breathe for each word. “I practically died in there!”
“Yeah, I figured as much. It was the same for most of us…well, except for me. But anyway, this will be less painful, I promise you…as long as you have actually mastered it.” Todd stepped in front of John, a shield for a young knight.
“Of course he has! You think I would just let him run off willy-nilly on his own until someone read his mind and killed him!?” Todd’s hands were in fists and placed on his hips. With tensions high, Sarah backed off from his egotistic rage.
“No, of course not. I was just making sure…” As Sarah tried to calm Todd down, which didn’t work all too well, John stepped around Todd, finding a path to escape. Sarah realized his motive and jumped back in front of John. “So, right now, we’re going to play a little game of chess. Understand? And Todd is dismissed…which means go now before you take another one of my comments as an insult.”
Todd gave a sarcastic smirk. “Heh, sure. Whatever you say.” He walked off, his footsteps echoing through the empty hallways. The sun’s position showed that he was stuck in after-school hours.
“I don’t get it…am I supposed to read her mind now?" A small force started to put pressure on his stomach, and continued to for a few seconds. Suddenly, just as soon as it had appeared, it released.
“Well, good. At least I can’t knock you back, and that’s really saying something. But yes, you’re going to be playing chess with Ross before you go home. If my assumptions are correct, you should be able to handle this…”

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The room was set up so that both John and Ross had their own desks. A chessboard, made of pine wood and stained in the typical checkered pattern, sat in the middle of them. With their pieces ready for action, and their eyes fixed on the other’s gaze, the sun leveled itself onto the horizon. Sarah looked out at the orange ball that now sat on the earth and gave a small smile that showed through the slight hostility in the room.
“Alright, here’s how this is going to work: All normal chess rules apply, of course. Each of you may take as much time as needed during their turns. Once the hand is off of the piece that was moved, and as long as it was a legal move, the turn is set in stone.”
“Sounds good.”
“Alright.”
“…but there’s one more catch. John, you must beat Ross before the sun disappears from the horizon. If the daylight is done, than so are you. Understand?”
“…Got it…” “That leaves me with what, ten minutes? How can I concentrate with that little amount of time…”
“Alright, begin.” And the game went underway. Ross had been given the luxury to make the first move, as John swiftly followed suit. Five minutes had gone by, and John was already three pieces down due to his careless rushing. He took a deep breathe and closed his eyes, trying to focus on what he should do next. That’s where it hit him; a sharp pain in his stomach had broken his concentration, and for a few minutes was not letting go of its grasp on him. John squirmed in his seat, making even worse mistakes and only taking one of Ross’ pieces to his own six. The sun quickly fell past halfway, allowing a thick blanket of dark sky spread across the area, letting people know it was soon time to head in for the night. The pain doubled each time John made a move, but he knew he could not forfeit the game. That would show his cowardice, and not wanting to disappoint Sarah, kept going. Only a small glimpse of the sun was left with John’s last move. His body was now folded over his stomach, his head pushing down on his desk to not only hold his head up to see the game, but try to take some of the pain from his stomach. John eyed his four pieces left to Ross’ seven, trying to find a way to end the game before the dark engulfed the sky. The sun inched even closer to the bottom until John finally saw his salvation. He moved his lonely bishop to check Ross’ king, only allowing one possible outcome: a stalemate once Ross moved his king.
The pain subsided. Still feeling sick to his stomach an breathing for air, hoping that his breathing would help keep down whatever it was that was trying to come up his throat, and fell to the floor. His body sprawled out, his stomach moving back and forth rapidly.
“That was fun!” Ross said jokingly. “We should do that again sometime!...and I won’t bother to try to get you up…you would probably fall back down.”
Sarah knelt by John. “Thank you, Ross. You can head home now, and also take tomorrow off if you wish.”
“Nah, I’ll be here tomorrow. I’d rather sit through another day of school than my father’s ‘younger-day’ stories. I’ll see you both tomorrow!” He waived to the both of them and rushed off to head home after a hard day of work.
“Just relax John, you’ll be fine.”
John started to feel better after a few more pants, and was able to sit back up. “You know…I never thought…you would put…me through this much…”
“Yeah, well, what do you expect? I hold high hopes for you.” Their eyes met once more. John’s eyes had started to mix between a deep brown and a pure green, while Sarah’s was still piercingly blue. “So, do you think you’re ready for the trip? It’s three days from now, you know.”
“Well, what do you think?”
“It’s all up to you. You think you can handle it?”
John took his time to respond. He didn’t think he was ready, he knew he was. He nodded his head, feeling a vocal response wasn’t appropriate.
“Well, that’s great then. Feeling better? If so, then you should probably head home. The building’s gonna close up soon.”
“What about you?” John slowly rose to his feet, still not being able to feel his stomach, which felt better than feeling it at all after the work he was put through.
“Oh, I just need to finish up some negotiations. I'll tell you all about that soon, don’t worry. Now, go home. You’re dismissed.”
John left the room, leaving Sarah behind, looking out into the night to see the first few stars arrive. He turned the corner and was heading towards the front entrance when he picked up a familiar Vibe.
“Mind if I come with you?” Lauren appeared by the front entrance, leaving a different room across from the front doors. “I suppose walking together beats walking alone.”
“Sure, why not.” He walked up to her, and they vanished into the dark streets.

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[Edit]: Woops! Did bold instead of italics...hehe .
Bold quotations are thoughts. Sorry if that caused confusion!

[Garr]

redyoshi said:

Well, a comment is better than no comment at all. I'm sure Sanjoyoshi wouldn't be writing this if it weren't for my comments of enthusiasm and interest. I wouldn't be talking for someone who doesn't give feedback all that often.

But, as you wish, lord wannabe back-seat moderator Garr, I shall elaborate on my feedback.

P.S. I'm glad you read this story, and can actually give a well written summary. I'm also so proud(enthusiasm attached x5) that you're actually giving feedback on Sanjo's work.

I was waiting for the next chapter.

--

This story's got a lot of potential so far. The characters' personalities are well-defined instead of blurring together, and it has a coherent storyline. Your literary devices appear to be sound, and I don't see you spraying commas all over the place like some people do.

The only real criticism I would have to add is to make sure you fully spell-check your story, and you may want to sit for a bit after you type it, and just read over it. Go through it and see if there are any sentences you could just make better, bits you could move about. Also, you may want to format it a bit more coherently, as it is, it's just a gigantic wall of text and is quite formidable for someone to read. Start a new paragraph whenever a different character starts talking, and put linebreaks in between your paragraphs.

Aside from those little things, this is some pretty good stuff, especially compared to a lot of the fanfiction that goes through here. I'll offer some more constructive criticism as I think of it.

[red.yoshi]

Very well written. Sorry I kinda jinxed you talking about all that 'writer's block.' '~'

The story got pretty intense towards the chess game. I guess you can call me a nerd, but it would be neat to see you write about some of the actual pieces left in the game instead of just calling them pieces. Although, that would take a little bit of planning, and perhaps, playing yourself in chess.

The way you describe blocking people out is very interesting. It surprised me when you wrote about John's abdomen area being strained while he blocked out minds. Did you base this off of the Muladhara Chakra? I hope I'm not ruining anything for you if I discovered this X=. The description of the Chakra matches your story quite well.

[Sanjo]

Nah, you didn't do anything, red! Just me being all bleh, you know? >.<

Well, here's the next chapter. This is definately one of the shortest chapters I have written, but not because I don't know what to put next...trust me, its all in my head...i think...

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Chapter 9: The Stage is Set

Darkness covered the road a few blocks from the school. John and Lauren have been walking in the silence, adding on to its unexplainable wonder. Not a sound could be heard with the exception of their footsteps echoing down the rows of houses. Their street was now in sight, but at least a mile away. They continued to walk at the same pace, with Lauren slightly ahead of John. The starts were visible above them, their glow lighting up the sky with small specks of white, blue, and green. It was Lauren who would break the first silence.
“So, tell me why it was you and your mother came here?” The silence overtook them once again, with John’s sighs being heard every few other steps he took. His head was now looking up towards the stars, eyes wide and reflecting the little amount of light that the earth took in from space. “Should I?...”
“…Well, I haven’t quite told anyone this, but just bear with me and promise me that you won’t tell anyone. I don’t want this kind of thing circulating.”
“Sure.” John took a deep breathe and nervously began his story:
“This past spring, my dad wasn’t exactly in his prime. He and my mom held a fight almost every night, sometimes even lasting until the morning. Their arguments could be heard throughout the house, and I had to block them out of my head just to try to sleep. Eventually, my mother found out that he was cheating on her with another woman, Liz was her name, and it tore my mother’s heart apart. She filed for divorce, and my father was threatening if she ever went through with it. Unfortunately, both ends fulfilled their words; she successfully divorced him, and he successfully…well, you get the idea. We thought we would’ve been happy living where we last were…but that changed quickly. She looked desperately for another home as I had to lie to the few friends I had at school, saying how my mom had found a new job somewhere distant. Right when I finished my Sophomore year, we left for here. And so here we are now…”
Tears started to swell up his eyes. His head was now looking down to the ground, his arms awkwardly folded as he continued to walk. “Ever since then, I have been caught between two stories; my mother’s and my father’s. That’s why I am so distant all the time with my mother, and that causes me to be shy around others. I know it’s hard to grasp that idea, but-“
“No, I know what you mean.” John looked at her for the first time that night. Her head, too, was hanging down, tears already streaking down her cheeks and falling to the ground. John looked at her with great concern, only hoping she hasn’t been through the same ill-fate that he has. “My mother and father are fighting, too. That’s why you caught that Vibe from me the day I was testing you, remember? I could tell from your facial expression…” She took a deep breath, the air shaken up by her attempt to cease her crying. “I didn’t mean for that Vibe to get loose, but I guess there are some things you just can’t control. Just like my parents. The only difference is the fact that they’re fighting about me…about what I am going to be when I am older, what college I am going to go to, et cetera. They’ve gone to such great lengths with this, too, fighting each time they see each other…I don’t want them to break up the family…I don’t want to choose between them…” She couldn’t hold her emotions in. She started to let it all out, her cries breaking the silence in the night. John felt even worse now, knowing that her fate was much worse than his. John moved next to Lauren and put his arm around her, trying anything that he could do to comfort her.
“I know I can’t say that it’s all going to be okay…but hang in there…at least you now have someone to talk about this to…”
She wiped away a streak with her sleeve and looked up at him. Though it was still dark, she could just see his eye color; a glowing emerald piercing through the darkness. She nodded and leaned her head against his shoulder. For the rest of the way, they walked in silence, knowing that their pain was shared.

“You know that I can’t give that to you.” Sarah was kneeling with her hands resting on her legs and her eyes closed. She was completely surrounded by the dark with only a faint light showing her face. “You ask of this every year and you still don’t ever learn. We know exactly what you want to do…you want to destroy it and use your own version as the sole documentation of the past--I AM NOT GOING TO LET YOU DO THAT!” Her voice echoed, her hands now squeezing her legs to keep her from losing control. A voice, completely unrecognizable by pitch, answered her.
“Well, how about we make this even more interesting…You have what we want, and I know that I have what you want…Why not put those at stake? Instead of just aimlessly going for each other, why not have a goal?”
Sarah released her hands, her legs slightly throbbing with pain from her own pressure. “Hah…exactly where I want you to be…” “…Sure, why not? Maybe this can finally end with us on top.”
“We shall see…”
“You’re right…but enough about that. Let’s set the terms right now. Same as last time, I presume? Same housing, same terrain…”
“Yes, yes, all the same.”
“Good. Well, I guess that’s all, then. Goodbye.” She pressed a switch in front of her, and the light faded. “Everything is working out too well…this is starting to worry me…since everything’s going so well, something must go wrong…no plan is perfect…”

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More is on the way as I work on other projects and singing. Woo... *falls from exhaustion*

[red.yoshi]

Ha, take your time, this is great stuff! Its starting to look a little romantic (which I've come to really enjoy reading >,>;.) Very interesting side story from John. Excellent job well done, I can't wait for the next chapter!

You sing? I wish I could D=. I couldn't sing for my life.

[Sanjo]

Yep, I do sing, and love to!
Here to say that due to singing (the dark side of it....rehearsals), I can't post anything up this weekend, and probably won't get the chance to for a tiny bit...but I do have the next chapter ready to go!....on paper, anyway...

[red.yoshi]

Wow, that must be hard... Don't worry about it =D, keep it up with rehearsals, and don't forget to brainstorm!

[Thalia]

Hey I'm new here, and I was looking for something to read when I just happened to land on this.

I really enjoyed it. The plot line so far is intriguing and original and I like the fact that a mild mannered beginning became something that fits in the realms of science fiction and magical realism.

um, constructive critiscim. You have some typos (prob from a lack of editing or beta reader) and your character descriptions are not as strong as they could be. I enjoyed your description of John and the love story that caused the war. Even with the new girl you introduced, Lauren, you described her background more than other chracters which makes her purpose with John interesting (also the fact I'm a sucker for romance helps).

I just meant for people like Ross or Todd, we as readers only know they do what Sarah says and what side they are on and it does not seem as though we will learn more. With Sarah I can understand the lack of knowledge we are given because it leads to suspense and seems intertwined with the plot.

I really hope you write more, it really is quite good. ^_^

[Sanjo]

Hey all! I know that I said I wouldn't be able to be as active as I have been, but I still can sneak onto the computer to post up my story as it moves along.

So, having looked back and seeing that I haven't really added to the story for over two weeks, I felt bad. So, I made sure that I had the enxt chapter ready to go, hence, here it is! I've been brainstorming a lot, Red, don't worry! >.<

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Chapter 10: Knowing Almost Everything

John opened the door and walked into his dark house. Alone in the house, he started to head for the stairs carefully; the only light helping him make his way safely was the clock blinking “10:00” every other second. Catching himself from tripping on the last step, he crawled into his room. “Great, I guess I’m the only guy that can say that I almost fell up stairs…”
He leaped onto his bed, not bothering to change his clothes or wash his face. His head burrowed into the white pillow while his legs found the sheets by the end of the bed. He felt like he had no control of what was happening, just his body acting for him. The only thing he could do was think of that night and feel the steady pulses coming from his nightstand drawer. He couldn’t feel anything other than those two things, and as the night went on, the Vibes seemed to drown as he focused more on Lauren. He tried to brush it off and get some rest, but his thoughts still wrapped around Lauren, and they weren’t ready to let it go. “…Poor girl…I wish there was something I could do for her than just talk about it…I mean, what good is that when it doesn’t solve anything…”

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“Well, it seems like someone got a good night’s sleep.” Ross snickered at his own satirical joke as John went to sit down next to him in the cafeteria. John had overslept, leaving no time to neaten up or have breakfast. Ross reached into his bag and pulled out bagel. “Here. Have this.” He tossed it to John, who dropped it trying to stay alert.
“I thought you couldn’t read my Vibes anymore!”
“I know I can’t. Your stomach’s growling at me…”
“Good morning, everyone!” Sarah sat down next to John, her voice sounding the usual overjoyed, high pitched cheer when she was in public. She looked over to John, noticing the messy hair and circles under his eyes. “Jeez, you don’t look too good…You okay?”
“Terrific.” John had caught Ross’ disease of sarcasm as he bit into the fresh bagel that was thrown at him. “I had a hard time getting to sleep last night.”
“Stayed up too late with Lauren last night?” Ross howled in hysterics, finding too much amusement from his pathetic innuendo. When he realized no one was joining in on his fun, he quieted down, feeling slightly out of place. “Fine, ruin the mood. I’ll be in 109. Gotta do some things before the big day…” He picked up his bag and headed out. Sarah shook her head in slight disappointment, but focused back on John.
“Let me guess: without Ross’ stupid innuendo, it’s the truth?”
“Yeah…I just couldn’t help it last night…I just feel bad, that’s all…”
“Ah, well, cheer up. She’s a strong girl. She can handle it. After all, she has been handling it fine for a while now. I’m sure she’ll come around.”
“Hey guys…” A weak voice was followed by Lauren’s presence as she sat down across from them. Her energy was completely gone, opposed to her usual state of mind. Sarah put her head on her hand, her arm supporting her weight, and muttered under her breath:
“…Well, maybe not this soon…” She directed her attention to Lauren. “Hey, hun! How’s it all going?”
“Just fine.” A small silence fell afterwards, making Sarah want to fill in the blanks.
“…You had a good night’s sleep?”
“Yup. Just fine, thanks.” The same silence fell over them, making both Sarah and John wondering what to do now.
“Well, I’ve got to fill John in on a few things…You know, the usual newbie stuff…” No response had followed. “…Aw, c’mon, cheer up! Everything is fine…And think of it like this: In two days, you’ll be away from here, just surrounded by your friends and beating up a bunch of people…Just like old times, right?”
“Sure, of course…” She sighed, and plopped her head onto her arms that were resting on top of the table.
“…Well, I better go and show him the ropes…You just hang tight, alright? I’ll come back for you in a few…” She tugged at John’s arm, and they both left her there on her own. John looked back to see if she had moved at all, maybe looking up at them to see if they were looking at her, but she hadn’t moved an inch. He looked towards the other side of the cafeteria to see Todd making his way to the table. He didn’t feel too bad leaving her with him. “It’s better than being alone, I guess…”

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Sarah had reached Room 109 in a hurry. John followed in a few seconds to just barely here Sarah yelling at Ross to get out of the room.
“Oh yeah? And what for?”
“Because all you’re doing is sleeping here! I actually need it to tell John what to do when the time comes!”
“Aw, c’mon! He gets to know before us?! That’s just cruel!”
“GO!” Ross rushed out of the room, fearing for his life in case if Sarah really was angered by him. Sarah took a deep breath and let it all out. Her eyes were slightly faded than her usual piercing blue color, almost giving the impression that they were grey. “I’m not mad at you, John. You can stop feeling defensive.”
“…How come everyone can read me!? I CAN READ VIBES, TOO!”
“…No need to get angry…you just looked offset…sorry that I overanalyzed…” John walked towards Sarah and put a hand on her shoulder.
“It’s okay…I guess we’re all not in the best shape today.”
“Yeah, you can say that again.” She turned to face him, noticing that his eyes were giving off their emerald glow. “But anyway, I do need to talk to you about the plan…but you need to keep it a secret from everyone...understand?” John nodded, and Sarah took another deep breath. “Before I tell you everything, I need to ask you…Have you ever doubted me ever since I first told about the war?’
“What? Well…I did doubt that there was actually a war…but you convinced me otherwise…” John had no idea what to expect from her now. “…Is there something that I should suspect?”
“Well, now I need your trust and loyalty more than ever. Do you think you could give me that?”
“Of course!”
“Good…” “I guess that settles that…so I hope…” She walked over to the window and gazed at the clouds moving towards the sun. “…So, here’s the plan then. In a nutshell, you will be ahead of the front lines…literally.”
“Wait…wouldn’t that make me the front line then?”
“Well, they won’t know that, but you will. This plan is only meant for your ears. If they know about it, then it could alter the results I’m looking for. Understand?”
“Yeah, I suppose so…”
“Great, so here’s what you’re going to do. You will be our distraction while the others are fighting in the neutral zone. You will be behind enemy lines, infiltrating their headquarters in hopes of retrieving something for us. You see, usually there isn’t too much of a goal for us to chase after, so typically we try to steal from each other vital artifacts and the likes to try to show that we’re the dominant force. What we need you to do is locate them and cause some type of a distraction that will force them to focus on their headquarters.”
“…But don’t we want them spread out and be disconnected? I mean, I don’t mean to shoot down your plan, but wouldn’t it make more sense to get them completely spread out?”
“Well, if we follow your plan, they can still regroup, and possibly faster than we can. However, if we follow my plan, then we gain more territory, thereby protecting our land while keeping pressure on them at the same time.” Sarah began to show a smile as she continued to ramble on. “If we can get them to feel so pressure that they have no choice but to attack us, then a few of us can slip by and help you out. If we can be reunited inside of their headquarters, then we have practically won. I don’t think they would stand a chance of protecting an inside threat and an outside threat at the same time!” She gave off an overjoyed sigh, feeling like she had just accomplished something that no one has ever done before. “So, are you in?”
John’s mind was racing with many different feelings. “This is genius! ...But wait, what if I’m caught before I can meet them up, or worse: What if I get killed in there!...But Sarah’s depending on me…no, everyone is…I can’t let them all down…” John gave a final nod of approval, and Sarah leaped into the air.
“Yes! I knew I could count on you!” She raced over to him and squeezed him into a hug. “Thank you so much! We can finally win!”
John tried to push her away to breathe. “That’s…great…no…problem…” Sarah finally released him, her mouth stretching one of the biggest smiles John had ever seen. “But there’s one problem…how am I going to defend myself?”
Sarah calmed down and her smile slumped back into its normal look. “Hmmm…well, if I remember correctly, Todd said he’d help out…”
“Todd?...Oh wait! The sword?!”
“Well, yes…” John imitated Sarah’s ecstatic jump for joy, finally getting to learn how to handle a sword at last. “…well, you can’t use one.” John froze in midair, crashing down to the ground, shocked by her tease. “What!? You just said that I was!...”
“Don’t worry, you’ll get to use one…you just can’t go in with one. If they happen to see you, and you have a sword, then they’ll pick you off immediately. You’ll have to get one from within their headquarters.”
“Alright, understood…I guess…”
“Good. Now, Todd will meet up with you later today for your final day of training, and then you can take tomorrow off. Just be sure that you don’t say a word to anyone about this, got it?” John opened his mouth, but he was cut off. “Good. You’re dismissed. Go and talk with Todd to find out exactly what time you two will begin.”
“Aren’t you coming?”
“I need to finish some things up. You go ahead and run along.”
“…Alright…See you later!” He bolted out of the room, excited that he was going to start his sword training. Sarah remained in the room, looking out the window into the partly cloudy sky. The sun was hiding behind a cloud at that moment, but the light still shined in the blue sky. “As long as he doesn’t know what’s at stake, nothing will go wrong…I feel bad for not telling him everything, but again, no one can know the whole plan…This is a huge risk I’m taking. I could lose everything in one battle…John had better prove to be obedient, or we’re all screwed…” A small ladybug drew her attention away from her gaze, crawling slowly up the window. Sarah held out her finger to let the ladybug crawl onto it, but the bug flew away, sensing a lot of tension in Sarah. “Hmm…I wonder if ladybugs can feel Vibes, too…”

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I hope you all enjoyed it! Have a great Easter for those of you that celebrate it, and I will try to be back online soon!
P.S. to Thalia: Yes, I know some grammer issues are here, but that's just because I usually write it all up on a first impulse. I find that if I take too much time to edit it, then the meaning that I'm trying to portray gets lost in translation. So, in one big summary: I'm afraid to completely edit it. Oh well, I am trying harder to remember! Thanks for your criticism!

[red.yoshi]

Wow, this is fantastic! It has me thinking about what the whole story might be. I'm anxious for the next chapter! Have a Happy Easter yourself too! I can't wait for the next chapter =D.

[Thalia]

Hey Sanjo, thanks for posting another chappie. Did my continous bothering finally get to you?

It was a good chapter, once again a couple of small grammar things but for something that was supposedly rushed, not bad at all.

Again, I'm intrigued with the whole matter of the war. It seems insane that students are actually going to hurt eachother...but it's part of the plot and I respect that and enjoy it slightly.

I still hope there will be more character development since it seems as though there are many unanswered questions. Like why these people are on this paticular side of the war, or their backgrounds, or why they behave the way they do. Like with Lauren...she seemed to be a sourpuss...does that resemble anyone you know at all? Also still with Ross, Todd, and Sarah I am curious to know more about all of them and their relations to one another.

Sorry if I repeated myself from my last post, but I really did enjoy it. Happy Easter!

~Thalia

[Sanjo]

Thanks guys! I appreciate the comments/concerns!

Tsk tsk, Thalia, so impatient. Don't worry, just kidding, but don't worry about all of that. I have everything plotted in my head...I just need to edit it there and get it on paper/computer pixels. I'm sure you'll be satisfied by the end of it...except with the grammer, there will always be grammer problems in the future, probably >.< . Take care everyone!

[Sanjo]

(Sorry for double-posting....heheh...)

So, disregarding the slight worry that an admin. will kill me for double-posting, hey all! Been a while, that's for sure!

I promise that I will have the next few chapters up in, at the very latest, a week. Life has been very crazy here at home as well as just in general, and with an English project that had my creativity all pin-pointed to drawing a Sanjo comic, I won't be able to finish typing the next chapter untill this Friday. Sorry for the huge delay (especially to Thalia, who has practically been bugging me about it nonstop....okay, exagerating...but still, she has!!! )

Hope everyone is doing well. I'm sure everyone is doing better than I am at this point >.<, and again, I will have the next chapter up soon!!!

[Wolf67]

hey! Welcome to Yoshi Corner! And that Waaaaau-aau-aaaaaauz, WOLF SIXTAY SEVAN! And thank you very much. ;D

[Sanjo]

Apr 17, 2008 20:45:04 GMT -5 Wolf67 said:

hey! Welcome to Yoshi Corner! And that Waaaaau-aau-aaaaaauz, WOLF SIXTAY SEVAN! And thank you very much. ;D

--> Response: "Umm.....yea..... *cricketcricket*.......hi...."

Anyway, I guess I have to apologize....again....*sigh*. I have been insanely busy with music (signing U.S. national anthem tomorrow at an event...oh dear god help me!), and on top of all that, a huge writer's block all thanks to the SATs! I knew they were useful for something! >.>

Anyway, sorry for a huge delay. I know this topic has sort of lost its touch w/o a new chapter, but I'm doing my best I'll edit here when it's done!

[red.yoshi]

Hey, no worries. I just had my SAT's yesterday and my brain is melting out of my ears. @,@

Summer is coming, and maybe you can pick it up then?

[Thalia]

Don't worry about it Sanjo. I know how hard the SAT's were yesterday (I took them as well), also you should focus on all your singing and school before the story...though it saddens me.
Best of luck with life! Good stories are worth the wait =)