Like anyones gonna read this X=

[red.yoshi]

Alright, well I started this story about a year or two ago. I just thought I'd share the first and second chapters. If you enjoy, I'll post more. If nobody reads, I won't waste my time.

Keep in mind that this is very rough and needs heavy editing >,<. I write stories like I write poetry.


Introduction~Chapter 1
Night. Thunder trembled throughout the sky. I sat there, hugging myself, next to a tree. The tree was old, and rotting. A patch of grass surrounded by mud was my cushion. I was dressed in an old tunic, dirtied with mud and blood. I was 7, my skin color very lightly tanned, my hair color – a very deep brown, which to me, looked black. My eyes were a deep brown, too deep to notice pupils.
My father lay beside me, head resting on the old tree. His hair color, grey, his eyes like mine. He, too, was dressed in a tunic. Scarlet, and a better make than mine. His dirtied with blood. His hand was lightly grasped upon a blade, which was his, and I would never touch. He now also possessed a blade which wasn’t his. His eyes were on me, his mouth at a slight snarl. He, though, wasn’t looking at me. He wasn’t looking at what was behind me either. He was looking into the past – an event which would scar my life forever.
~My father was my only family left, I had no one else. I never knew my mother, she had died when I was at a young age. My older sister had left me when I was four. She, too, had my features.~
The sword wasn’t my fathers, even though he possessed it. Blood leaked from the blade – his blood. My father was dead. His eyes were focused on his killer; his best friend. His new sword lunged into his chest. His friend had betrayed him, and I witnessed the event. His friend lay a couple hundred of yards away. His blood trailed behind him. My father had stabbed him quite a few times, and he had died from blood loss. At the sight of it, I vomited. I wanted to forget all, and leave. However, I was much too young to make decisions for myself yet. Tears streamed from my eyes as I slowly trudged the way back to what was my old home.

Chapter 2
I slowly stepped inside of my house. I told no one about my father and his friend. I, myself, had no friends. I lived in a busy village. My tunic was drenched with rain. I walked into my father’s room, and sat on his bed, thinking of him. It was very hard for me. I hadn’t given him a proper burial, I couldn’t lift the man. I took one of his books off the shelf, and flipped through the pages. Tears filled my eyes, wrinkling the pages as they dried. I threw the book against the wall. I couldn’t read.
I had very little food. I didn’t eat. I crept into my room, taking the wooden sword father had made me. It was smooth to the touch. I latched it to my belt. I kicked my bed hard making an echoing sound throughout the small, wooden, house. I had no belongings of value. I had only one tunic. My father owned two. He had a blue one which was about the size of myself, and, too large to carry. I returned to his room gathering his plentiful amount of gold. We were rich, but father didn’t like to tell people about it, or live like we were. I couldn’t believe my father was gone, I knew it just wasn’t true.
I slipped a few slices of bacon from the kitchen into a small sack, and fastened it to my belt, along with my father’s gold. I was tired. I left my house anyway, and started down the road out of town. My eyes were filled with tears, but I didn’t turn back.

[Sanjo]

don't worry about the poetry remark. I do the same thing...and make various poems along with it Despite the loss of my lower jaw I still enjoy a high standard of living.

This is very good writting! I am definately interested in reading more about it and encourage others to read it (again, if this gets read >.<).

[red.yoshi]

Hey, thanks! I'm not exactly sure how to spread the word, but I'll post a few more chapters later. Stay tuned and keep checking the thread, most likely I'll just edit this post to spare the curse of "double posting."

Alright, heres chapter 3 (which is a flash back) and chapter 4!

Chapter 3
~“Come on Stensin! Let’s go!” I laughed, and played along with my father. We wrestled on the rug together, laughing. “You’re getting stronger!” he said, with a smile on his face. He still beat me, but I laughed as he did so. The sun had set many hours ago, and I was feeling quite tired. I had a long day of work, and my father had something planned for us the next day, although he didn’t tell me what. I had worked all day, and he told me that I deserved it. “Time for bed,” he said, as he kissed me goodnight, and looked at me with loving eyes. He bought me to my room, and pulled the blankets up to my chin. My older sister gently touched my face, and smiled. She was like my mother. “Daddy, will you always be here to tuck me into bed at night?” “Always. I will always be with you no matter what.” I smiled, knowing that it was true. My father would never abandon me.~

Chapter 4
I stood at the edge of an abandoned hut. It was very tiny. I was getting a cold. It was late at night; I was tired, young, afraid, sad, and drenched with rain. The rain came down hard, and it showed no signs in stopping. I wanted a nice warm mug of hot chocolate like my father used to make. My eyes swelled with tears, and I collapsed to the ground crying in the mud, sputtering on fresh mucus. I had a headache now, and I thought back to the bloody scene of my father’s death. I vomited.
~My father was a carpenter, he built our house. He was very good at carpentry, and made many decorations for and around our house. He also made me a wooden sword, my size. I always watched him practice with the sandbag dummies in town, slicing them open and watching the sand spill out. The quick, silver blade looked so neat whenever he practiced one of his stances. I wanted to be just like him one day.
My father had a friend, his best friend, and one of his only. He was loyal to my father, he would deliver wood to him. Once in awhile, he would also buy me a candy stick which I happily savored. My father paid him half of his store’s profits. I always liked the smell of freshly cut wood, and saw dust on my hands.
One of the secrets my father never told me were his secrets how he had become rich. I believed, as I later became wiser, that my father had treated his friend with a little less than half of the profits from his shop. I don’t see how this was a major issue, but my father’s friend was usually blunt, and watched the world with a keen eye. His friend probably figured this out, and betrayed my father by taking him on a walk.
The sky was dark and cloudy, and my fathers’ friend took my father out of work early for a “talk” of some sort. I was always the person who wanted to know what was going on, but my father had told me to stay back and watch the store. I disobeyed my father, and followed them both outside. As I sneaked behind each little house or nook I could find, I felt a few rain drops. I took no notice of them though, nor that there weren’t people on the street. I couldn’t understand what they were saying since they were speaking to each other in whispers. One thing I took notice of, however, was a strange look in my father’s friend’s eyes.
His friend took him to outside of town, an area with all planes of long grass into the horizon, and very few trees. I hid behind the tree which my father had died upon, and waited, watching both of them. My father’s friend drew his sword sluggishly, as he didn’t practice as much as my father did. My father quickly drew his sword by reaction, slowly realizing what was happening. He side stepped his friend’s first strike, then preformed a few different forms and stances, knocking up his friend with deep cuts, scratches, and gashes as his sharp blade met his friend’s pudgy skin.
My father’s friend was quite robust, with a large stomach which his food stained shirt never quite seemed to fit over. He had orange wisps of hair, and a wavy orange mustache with green eyes. His legs were very short, so he had a difficult time walking.
My father tripped, and fell over a rock, landing on the same tree I was hiding behind. I gasped, and covered my mouth. My father’s friend weakly stabbed my father in the heart, and started walking back to the village, staggering, not retrieving his sword. By now, the rain was pouring hard, and I sat there, on the patch of grass not surrounded by mud, hugging myself. My father’s eyes were on me.~
I stepped inside the hut, and decided I would rest there for the night. I curled up on the wet ground, crying myself to sleep.

[Sanjo]

Wow...very well done! I re-read the other post before just so I could get a full-readthrough of it, and the writing and format of this story is superb. I'm glad I read this and hope that there is more! Despite the loss of my lower jaw I still enjoy a high standard of living.

[red.yoshi]

Yes - up to 20 or so chapters and about 5 I have written roughly since last year (too lazy to type them up >,<. I'm glad you enjoy it! I'm also glad your taking the time to read this through! Here are the next two chapters for you to read. It starts to get very fantasy fictional, I hope you like that kind of taste X,x;.

Chapter 5
“You know Stence and Nerual, beyond those planes outside of the village are forests inhabited by a people like us. They live in these forests, their houses the trees, and they are known as the elves. They have pointed ears, and, most of them, long hair. Their weapon of choice in battles is the long bow, but they won’t reject a sword. Many of them are stronger then us human beings, and taller too. They live longer than us, and, never look old like us.” When I was a child, I always used to believe these tales my father told. He loved to tell long stories. My sister would sit next to me cross legged. When it was cold, we would share a warm blanket together, and my father would make us hot chocolate.
My sister was always interested whenever she heard this story, and that night, she was listening very carefully to the details. My sister was smarter than I was, at the age of 14 or 15, and even though this story was a myth, my sister believed every word of it.
The night outside was calm and silent. I was half asleep when I heard a door creak open. Curious, I got out of bed, and peaked outside of my door. My sister slipped outside from her room, and shut her door behind her, taking out the ribbon from her hair, letting it hang long and shine in the moon light. She had her wooden bow that my father had made for her, and 20 wooden arrows. I asked “where are you going?” and she turned around as if expecting me, putting one of her fingers to my mouth. “Shh,” she replied, “Go back to bed.” And she gently kissed me on the cheek. I obeyed her, and went back to bed. I heard the front door close, and never as a child was she seen again in the village.

Chapter 6
I awoke from my sleep to daylight. I slowly remembered the events which had happened from the day before, and got sick all over again. The old hut had a musty smell, and I probably shouldn’t have stayed there for the night, but I couldn’t make intelligent decisions at that age.
As I stretched and walked outside, the town was still in clear view. I hadn’t made it that far in the night before. I didn’t want to go back, I didn’t want to adventure, and I didn’t want to stay in one spot. I decided to go in the same direction I was leaving anyway. There was a dirt path, and it must have leaded somewhere I thought. The image of my father dead by the tree staring blankly at me kept me moving until sunset. I looked back in the direction of the town. It was a hazy image on the horizon – nothing in the other direction I was headed. I felt fatigue, so I munched on a slice of bacon, sat down, and rested. “Out doors tonight, I guess,” I said out loud, shrugging my shoulders, trying to be enthusiastic.
However, as I sat down on the ground, and curled up in a patch of taller grass, my thoughts raced back to my father, and, again, I cried myself to sleep the second night away from town, my father, and my life.

[Sanjo]

I must have pulled an all-nighter for school to have read this this early (it's 6:41 for me now, and I haven't slept >.<)

Anyway, that doesn't stop me from reading this! I will say it again, great job! You are quite the writer. I'm hooked into this, and need more >.<

[red.yoshi]

Wow, I've never got a response so large to my writing, heres a few more chapters for you X=.

Chapter 7
I woke up the following day, coughing madly. Spores from the mold and fungus of the abandoned hut were trapped in my lungs. I tried to get up. I felt dizzy. I had to take quick breaths of air in order to receive enough oxygen. I was very light headed. Daylight had not arrived yet.
I staggered with my belongings trying to find a stream of clear water. There were none. It was a complete grassland. I didn’t know what was wrong with myself. My throat felt dry. I fell on my hands and knees, sputtering. I started to cough up blood. I quickly started putting anything I could in my mouth, hoping the horrible pain in my lungs would stop. I pounded on my chest, I started to cry. I prayed to my father, and to God.
~My father once told me and my sister about God. He said that he created the earth, and all other human beings. He said that through God, everything and anything was possible. He told us that God is always there, but you cannot see him for yourself. I thought of God as a very quick human being who could run away before you got a chance to see him. My father said to pray to God to help you through hard times and rough moments. I believed my father.~
After praying to God, I started to get very dizzy, and, eventually suffocate and pass out.

Chapter 8
“You shall wake up on a strange table. Your blood will be shed. You will come close to passing out, but keep a grip on your life. Accept the second stranger’s help. As soon as you are recovered, flee from the town during the night after the last rays of sunlight pass over the mountains.” “Who…who are you?” “My name is God, do not fear me. Trust in me.” “Flee to where? Where am I? I…I don’t understand!” “Stay calm, and accept my words. Do not loose trust in me, and do not forget me.”

Chapter 9
I woke up to bright lights, coughing. I couldn’t breathe properly still, and I couldn’t move my arms or legs. The dream I had was a message from God, and so I decided to follow it. This dream was special to me, since I still remember it until this day. I have never remembered another dream so well.
I heard voices, and as I came to, I saw people surrounding me. I looked down, and I was stripped naked. The voices didn’t make any sense to me, as I was still dizzy and coughing. I could not speak, or even think straight other than the dream.
The people surrounding me were clothed in blood stained very long and baggy clothing. Each of them had a mask, goggles, and a blade. One of them bought the blade down to my arm, and sliced me. A pain shot through my wrist, jolting up my arm. I shook violently, coughing up blood. Through all of this commotion, another one of the figures sliced across my other wrist, pain jolting up that arm as well. The figures continued slicing me, my blood everywhere. I was becoming pale; I was loosing too much blood, too fast. The figures left me in the room to bleed, but I remembered the dream.
I waited there, gasping and coughing. A man dressed in noble’s attire approached me. He was clean, bore a smile, with nothing to hide behind his eyes. He extended his arm, and I could understand him perfectly. “Come with me.” He said. He took the bounds of rope off my arms, legs, and waist. I pretended to be asleep, even though I wanted to go with this man. The man said “if you do not come with me, you will die here as many have done. Come with me.” Again, I ignored him. He asked a third time, pleading. I rejected him, and so he departed.
It was incredibly hard staying conscious, as another figure approached. This man was dirty, clothed in rags. He held a cane in one hand, and whispered in a scratchy voice “Come…with…me…” The first man appeared to be more promising than this dirty man, but I remembered my dream and hesitated. I agreed, and the dirty man carefully took me off the table. He seemed a lot stronger than he had looked. I then fainted, as my dream said nothing of staying conscious after I accepted the help.

Chapter 10
I woke up on an old bed, a strong spice piercing the nostrils. I could finally breathe again. The dirty man who no longer appeared to be dirty, but average, sat besides the bed, mixing herbs. I then remembered about my cuts. They had been bandaged. My belongings except my bacon were alongside the wall. Although I could breathe again, I still had the dangerous bacteria inside of my lungs. I coughed, trying not to strain myself. The man looked up, and offered me an ounce of lime colored liquid in a vial. I drank the liquid. It was sweet tasting, and refreshing.
“Glad to see you’re awake” he said in a normal voice. “Where are we?” I spoke normally…and my voice had broadened. I noticed I was larger then I was before, which was strange to me. Had I grown possibly 8 years older? If so, how? “This is my house, you have been sleeping for quite awhile.” I peeked outside the window to see layers of snow on the ground. “How long, may I ask?” “I’d say a couple thousand moons.” He chuckled jokingly. “You are sick, and what you are sick with isn’t good for you, now hurry and inhale this.” The man handed me a pot with boiling tar. I inhaled it, drawing it deep within my lungs, then I coughed up a thick, black, syrup which seemed to be swimming with visible parasites, and fainted.

Chapter 11
I spent days with this odd man, recovering from my illness. I actually found out more about him. He wasn’t quite a man, rather, a young man whom looked my age. His name was Alf Tansk, but many of the town’s people knew him as the odd beggar, or Ghostplant. This man wasn’t a normal human either; he was one of the elves. He didn’t tell me this, but I saw that he had pointed ears, and, very long white hair. I suspected that my father’s stories of these people were true.
However, conditions for me weren’t getting any better. I started becoming weak as the bacteria harnessed my powers. It drained my energy, and sapped away at my physical features. My face became white, eyes puffy red. The frame of the bones throughout my body was visible against my skin. My appearance was that of a skeleton. I wasn’t eating, and I was very near to death. Every day, I would cough up thick, black, syrup like the first day I met Alf. I had trouble breathing, and I was choking on air.
The night came when I was sure I was on my death bed. I coughed up much blood today, and I was gasping for air. I was loosing energy, and feeling very tired and hungry. The elvan was in a deep sweat, not knowing what to do. My eyelids fell heavily. I was loosing conscious, and my blood circulation was slowing to a stop. Then came the pain. I wanted to yell, but I couldn’t. Everything I ever knew about me, my life, my fantasies, was all slipping away. A terror was replaced. It was like a dagger, cutting at my rib cage to get loose. I started to sweat, feeling dizzy. I could no longer move any muscle in my body; all that was left was my brain, and my heart pumping blood slowly. Seconds dragged by with unbelievable pain. My head started to hurt, and blood shot itself through my esophagus.
The elvan knew I was close to death, and from his pocket, he took a necklace. The chain was a beautiful shade of green which glowed differently depending what one’s moods were. Attached to it was a white vessel which contained a liquid carved out of some type of scale. Alf slung the necklace around me, the light weight chain growing a deep black color. He took the vessel to my lips, pouring the liquid into my mouth. It went down my throat, settling itself into my stomach and blood stream. A burst of energy shot through me. My eyes jolted open, my senses became sharper, I could breathe clearly. I wanted to get up, but Alf pushed me back down, and slipped me a strange potion which settled me into a sleep.

[Sol Vent]

This is excellent writing! I can't wait to hear more. However, I'm a little confused. Chapter 5 was a flashback/dream right? Just want to make sure...

Anyway, you've got me hooked, please keep posting this!

[red.yoshi]

Yeah, some whole chapters are flashbacks, usually anything between ~ is a flashback.
Just to keep a little suspense =P

Chapter 12
I woke up in the middle of the night, I couldn’t sleep. I had so much energy. I turned my head the opposite way to see the elvan staring at me. “Don’t you sleep?” I asked. “Elves don’t sleep.” He said, calmly. It was as if the elvan expected me to know who he was by how he addressed himself. “Why am I like this? What did you give me? What is this around my neck? Why aren’t I dead?” I noticed a tingling as my muscles suddenly relaxed, and expanded, so did my frame, and my bones. The tingling sensation also pulled at my cheek bones, stretching my eyes. My ears grew longer and wider also. This whole process took three hours. Only then did the elvan reply to me. “That pendant now belongs to you. This is the elixir of the elves, as it takes a very long time to prepare, and very few of them still exist. You now have elvish blood inside of you. You are no longer human.” The necklace did feel like a second heart, beating against my chest. This felt very odd to me. I fainted, not able to take it all in.

[Sanjo]

I don't like to feel repetative, but...

NICE JOB! Despite the loss of my lower jaw I still enjoy a high standard of living.

btw, I see what you mean about your worry for the style. don't worry about it! I usually don't dive into these things, but this one is one I will any day Despite the loss of my lower jaw I still enjoy a high standard of living. Well done!

[red.yoshi]

I sure hope so =). Last chapter for tonight. The chapters start getting long, and my mind starts getting jumbled. You'll see.

Chapter 13
I woke up the next morning, and I could actually stand up and walk. I needed a cane, however, and the elvan handed me his staff made out of a special bone. I stumbled as I wasn’t fully recovered. The cancer inside of me still had to dim.
The elvan had prepared for me a breakfast of assorted fruits, strange fruits that I haven’t seen before, and a very small amount of meat, bread, and cheese. I ate it quickly and ill-mannered, feeling piggish. By the time I had finished, I was bloated. He cleared away the plates. I took a quick glimpse of my pendant. Engraved in it, plain and simple, was my name: Stensin. I quickly tucked it back inside of my white shirt as it pounded away against my chest. I was scared, and confused.
The elvan took me outside for the first time in weeks. The sunshine had no effect on my elvish eyes. I could see so clearly. He quickly drew over his brown cloak to look like a beggar, helping me in one which was similar in shape, color, and age. I took in what the area around me looked like. It was a flat grass land, similar to my home town. He took me by the hand to the back yard of his small home which was nothing but a few large bushes. He went to one of the bushes, and slipped under it, disappearing. I waited about fifteen feet away. Nothing. I started to get frightened, thinking he might be hurt, and staggered over to the bush. A hand grabbed me, and pulled me under.
Inside was dark, but I could see clearly. It was as if my eyes were now lighted. A long tunnel which appeared to have no end lay before me. The hand which pulled me under was that of Alf’s. “Put down your cane, and see if you can run.” He said. I did so, and I attempted to run. My relaxed muscles allowed me to take longer and easier strides with my feet as my elvish form situated my weight in such a way to prevent my legs from getting tired, or weak. I ran with Alf following behind me. I felt fine the first few minutes, but then the pain in my chest hit, and I collapsed to the ground, my pendant beating as if it was angry. Alf picked me up as if I was of no weight, and carried me the rest of the way.
At the end of this passage was a large room illuminated by strange plants. Books and potions lined the walls along with large comfy chairs made from what looked like soft and cushiony leaves. Not one potion bottle or book was dusty, and even though I wasn’t an expert in order, they all looked perfectly organized. From the corner of the room there was a cool water fountain that came from under the ground. Alf took a seat in one of the chairs, and motioned his hand for me to take one in the seat next to him. “I will teach you all I know about our race. I do not know much, since I am still very young.” I nodded, hoping I could understand this man for he, at the time, seemed much more intelligent then he made himself sound. I listened patiently.
He told how the elves lived in trees, mainly high above the ground. Cities are built in the forests unable to be seen with the human’s naked eye. He told that not one elvan had died yet from disease or from age. He told that dragons roamed far south from the elvan home land, and that most of the scales and bones that are used by the elves are those of dragons. I had never heard of a dragon before, but I didn’t question Alf. He told that elves rarely get married, and have children, and he told of sexual intercourse elves have with one another to reproduce, although he didn’t explain this in detail, as he himself had not experienced marriage or had relations with another female. He told of elves’ weapons, how they were long to match the elvish frame, but sturdy to match the elves’ power, and durable so they would last until the apocalypse. He told of how elves were silent and reserved, and how the elvan body worked. He told of the elvan myths, traditions, entertainment, foods, and lifestyles. Lastly, he told of what the pendant around my neck was. Not many of them were made. Whenever an elvan died, his blood was taken, and mixed with potions to be made into a purified essence form. The most skilled elvan in craft, Daniel, would then take the scale of a dragon, and carve it into a vessel. He would enchant it with magic. That’s where I stopped Alf. “Magic?” I asked. “Yes, magic. All elves have the ability to learn and cast magic. Much of their energy is used, but some elves have the patience, power, and meditation to reduce this energy by foreseeing their spell cast, and retaining the magical æthers which go to waste.” That made me think how strong I had become. I didn’t believe I deserved all of this. “Continue.” I replied. Alf told that the blood was then poured into the vessel. From then on, the purified essence of elvan blood belonged to its chosen owner and no one else. I tried to pull the necklace from my neck, but as I touched the chain, it was like touching a membrane of exposed muscle tissue. I decided against it, believing that this was really a part of me now. That got me confused, but I didn’t question Alf about it for fear of even more confusion by complexities of magic, dragons, dead elves, and æthers.
I then showed Alf my pendant, how my name had been inscribed on it. “One of the elves from my homeland gave that to me when I left.” “Why did you leave?” “I had a dream from a supernatural being that I had to come and rescue you. He said his name was God, and to trust in him. I’ve been here in this village for over 5 years.” “Then how come I’m older?” I asked with amazement, knowing that I had been 7 when I had arrived, and I had grown to be a young adolescent. I was also shocked at the fact he had a dream from God, too. “That disease that you had…it did things to you. You had been sleeping for a couple of years, but you aged twice, maybe three times as fast…” I was shocked.
He then got up. “We’ve stayed in that house for too long. I used to live on the streets here. We need to live down here from now until we decide to leave.” I nodded, not quite understanding whom Tansk was running from. He quickly departed to get ingredients, weapons, and food.

[Sanjo]

Awesome. Plainly awesome Despite the loss of my lower jaw I still enjoy a high standard of living.

Well, you've heard what I've said before: I'm a fan!
~~And now, for something new *Gasps and faints are heard in the silence*~~
As one who hopes to write and draw as well as sings, I love your writing and hope my story will be as fulfilling as yours is to me Despite the loss of my lower jaw I still enjoy a high standard of living.

[red.yoshi]

Yep, A flash back chapter and another =).

Chapter 14
“STENSIN!!!” My eyes burst into tears. I had done wrong, and my father slapped me across the head. I had eaten from the sugar jar, and my father was red in the face. “Don’t ever do that again!” I ran to my room, slamming the door. At a young age, I took yelling and physical discipline as a sign of hatred. I didn’t realize my father was trying to teach me from good and bad. I didn’t realize he loved me.
I cried harder in my room, rage at my father for yelling at me, and sadness because I felt a hate coming from him. I lay in my bed, crying. My room was small, with a small bed, wooden shelves with children’s picture books, one window, and my closet full of my clothing. Later, most of my possessions were robbed from me. My sister opened the door to come in and comfort me, but I screamed at her to get out. She closed the door in tears, and I felt even worse. Not knowing any better, I took from my closet a knitted shirt which my mother had made for me. My mother was not living. I didn’t even understand what the shirt meant to me. I wrapped my books, my teddy whom I loved and often talked to, and my toys in the shirt, crying. I attached the shirt to a long stick, and threw it over my back. I opened my window, and jumped out into the bitter cold rain.
I left my house with a feeling of being not wanted there, crying, and whipping my nose in my sleeves. I didn’t look back. I trotted along the muddy pathway, me getting filthy in mud. A carriage drawn by horses rolled up the street. I got a look at the man inside. He had a long, bloodied fighting sword in his hand, his eyes blood thirsty for something or someone to kill. This man was the first man who tried to save me while I was on the table before Tansk came. He spotted me, his eyes getting dark and evil. He threw the sword at me. I was terrified, and jolted as the sword just missed my shoulder, cutting off my shirt of belongings and splitting my stick. The shirt rolled into the street, and before I had a chance to act, the horses trampled over my belongings. I screamed, hugging myself, eyes streaming with tears. I fell on the ground, screaming and crying.
Then, my father came. He was wearing a rain coat, and my sister was holding his arm, wearing a similar jacket. She had watched me climb out my window, and retrieved my father. He reached down for me, and I clung onto him, lovingly. I sniveled as he opened his rain jacket, and gently tucked me inside despite I was dirty, and covered in mud. I felt warm, and I slowly fell asleep, tears dropping here and there.

Chapter 15
I heard Tansk coming, so I quickly pulled myself together. My eyes were puffy and scarlet red. The sleeves of the tattered cloak were damp. Tansk entered through the doorway briskly, as if he was running from something. He didn’t look up at me, and started putting things away. “What’s the matter?” he asked. I wasn’t in the mood. “From whom are you running from? Why are you hiding here?” My voice sounded irritated. “We aren’t welcome here, we are the elves.” “So?” I replied angrily. I was quite worked up by the vivid flashback, and felt horrible to my father that I never apologized.
He set a pot of water on to boil. The room seemed like it would always stay cool, and earthy. It didn’t warm up, as I predicated. He came over, and sat next to me “People have noticed me.” He said calmly. “The have noticed my ears, and my un-human ways, for example, not sleeping.” “So they were spying?” “That house wasn’t mine, it was abandoned. I used to live there on the streets while I was waiting for you.” I looked down at my feet, thinking. Then I looked back up at him. “But… why are you running?” “The people want to kill me.” “But why?” He scratched his shaggy white hair, as if he was trying to think up an answer. “Pull off your clothing, reveal your chest.” I hesitated, feeling a little awkward, but then did so. I gasped softly as my skin was growing over the amulet he had given to me. It was becoming a part of me. Tansk pointed to the vesicle. “They know about that. They want elvish blood so they can become what we are. Foolish humans, they are never satisfied with what they have. They don’t know what processes the blood must go through, the dangerous consequences if done incorrectly, and how to make the vesicle itself. Only the most skillful elvish herbalists and crafters can make these delicate masterpieces.” “How do they know about it?”
He told me of the story tellers, the ones who have been out in the forest, in nature who have seen the elven. He told of the story tellers whispering to the humans of the ancient elven artifacts. Among these, the blood amulet, the same one I was wearing.
I thought again for a few moments. “They can’t be happy with who they are?” “Elven are immortal, they will live forever unless by physical death. Can you imagine the pain elven must go through if they are seriously sick or ill with a disease that could be instantly lethal to humans? The humans don’t realize this; they only look towards their benefits. Although the elven structure is marvelous, and so is the elvan’s hand at swordplay, elves are nature, and we will remain only but nature. And although we elves are naturally intelligent with out past, we can’t create, we can only change things.” “And humans can invent and improve.” Tansk nodded, then sighed longingly, as if he too wanted the technology aspects of the humans. The elves were just a part of nature like a tree. They would always remain the same.

[Sanjo]

Well constructed, like always! Despite the loss of my lower jaw I still enjoy a high standard of living. I could learn a thing or two from your writing...though I am not saying i'll take your style. Promise. 0=D

[red.yoshi]

I never knew I had a style o,o. Probably my favorite chapter so far:

Chapter 16
Alf took the pot off the fire pit. He poured the steaming water into two cups mixing it with herbs, and thick substances. “You are still part human, you still need sleep.” I nodded, feeling weak instead of tired. He gave me the cup which knocked me out almost instantly, and I slept with no dreams.
I slept for about a day, and I woke up in a deep sweat, burning hot fever, and a stabbing pain in my chest. I sat up, gasping and reaching, just for anything to stop the pain. I noticed that I had no voice when I gasped. I glimpsed around the room, things blurring together, but I could just make out Tansk, reading a large book in one of his comfy leaf chairs. I couldn’t call out. I was too weak to catch his attention. I tore off my cloak, feeling my chest. I felt a lump. My amulet was actually becoming a part of me. I felt incredibly weak. I fell back down, my chest was searing with pain.
I could do nothing but lay there with that stabbing pain. I was far too weak to even open my eyes. I couldn’t fall back asleep, I couldn’t pass out. I lay there, thinking about my father’s pain, thinking about how the last hours of his life felt for him. Is this the pain similar to that of his experience?
~I was about 3 or 4. It was a sunny day, and the air was crisp. I was playing marbles with Alucard, my friend who was only a year or two older than I was. He had just taught me how to play, and I was very interested. The marbles shone brightly in the sunlight, casting shadows on the earthy ground. But I wasn’t looking at the marbles.
I looked up at Alucard He had long and shaggy hair, with deep eyes and light colored skin. I dropped the marble I was holding. It bounced across the ground, picking up dry earthy dust every time it thudded across the parched ground. He glared at me, Alucard. His eyes – darker than ever. I just knelt there as a wave of terror paralyzed me. His glare froze me like ice, like he was imprinting something on my soul. Then, he snapped out of it. “I have to go.” He said quickly. “Huh?” he turned around, and started walking away.”
Then I realized something that I really never took much notice of. I thought back of the flashback, and saw his ears. Long and pointed. He was casting magic to terrify me. Things started to become so clear to me. He was an elvan, and was headed back to the forest, but why? Had he have been identified as an elvan like Tansk? He froze my soul temporarily, but why?
My eyes suddenly opened. I couldn’t control my body. I felt different. Was this normal? My eyes glowed deep blue as I slowly levitated upward. I laid there, in the air, my pain was no longer. A blue aura surrounded my body. I alighted from the bed Tansk laid me on. I slowly walked over to him, levitating on air, taking steps on nothing. The earth under me rose as I passed over it. “Tansk?” My mouth hadn’t moved. My voice echoed. I was standing in front of him.
He rose his face to meet mine, his eyes – a bright green glow. He muttered his name, raised his hand and an invisible force pulled me against the wall. Roots from trees quickly shot out and tangling me, binding me in place. Tansk drew a short sword made from a large dragon’s claw from his belt. He walked over to me and pressed it against my chin through the aura. I stared into his deep green eyes. “Who are you?” he asked as beads of my blood trickled down the pearly white blade. “It’s me, Stensin.” My words sounded different, it wasn’t in our spoken language. He slowly slid the blade downwards. I closed my eyes, and gritted my teeth. My aura grew, and burned his hand like a fire. He quickly dropped his sword, loosing his concentration. The roots let me go, and I fell, catching myself before I touched the ground, levitating upright.
I outstretched my arms, my cloak slipping to the ground. He looked up at me. I looked down to his hand, a scar vibrantly blue. Then I looked at my chest, a small lump pulsating where my amulet hung. He whispered: “Stensin..?” My body shut down. I fell to the ground as my aura evaporated in blue smoke. I felt weak. The whole time I had the protective aura around me, my power was being sapped. I opened my eyes, staring at his sword. A bead of blood dropped from the blade to the ground, splattering in a small pool where it had dropped before. I fainted.

[Sanjo]

...holy guacamole! (if that's spelled right >.<...and for the fact that I don't feel like I can write swears, I'll do that 0=D) I agree with your personal thoughts to the chapter: Best one yet! Very mysterious as to why he had the aura, but invigorating!

By-the-by: yes, you do have a distinctive style. The way you use poetry phrases to build your story (as you mentioned before, you worte your stories like poetry) on top of a really good and ominous plot really brings out something I haven't read before! Awesome job Despite the loss of my lower jaw I still enjoy a high standard of living.

[red.yoshi]

That's revealed much later in the story, if I decide to type up and edit whats on the rough paper and continue writing >,<. Heres the second to the last chapter I have typed up, Oh No!

Chapter 17
Soft blue light greeted my eyes as they slowly opened. I had forgotten who I was, where I was, what I was as if I hadn’t been a humanoid my entire life. I trembled as I rose on my hands and knees. My heart beat steadily, and I shivered. It was cold, and dark. Then I realized I was in Tansk’s shelter. I looked around as I panted softly. My breaths were weak gasps. Then my eyes fell on Tansk. He was curled up in a ball, and shivering. His arm was pale where my aura had burned him. A blue acidy liquid pulsated against his skin.
I got up, whipping dried blood off my tattered cloak and chin. I felt very weak, and I stumbled as I tried standing up straight. He slowly looked up at me, and extended his hand. Then he stared into my eyes, his stare was deep and earthy. A wave of terror slowly crept down my spine. Suddenly, I couldn’t move. It was as if he had paralyzed me, just as Alucard did those many years before.
I struggled against this feeling inside of my head, but I felt so weak mentally. It was incredibly hard to grab a hold of myself, and this feeling. It finally took full control of me, and Alf released me from his gaze. I slowly felt my body bend over, and saw my hand write in the chilled earth: “R E L E A S E . . . Y O U R . . . S P E L L.” The feeling left me, and I felt control of my body again. I didn’t know what the words meant as I got up without bothering to brush myself off. Then, I noticed I had more energy, as if the thing that possessed me had given me its strength.
I then looked over at Alf. He looked into my eyes with need and hope. I lifted my hand, and drew my cloak over my eyes. I didn’t know what I was doing, I felt right doing this, I felt comfortable, and it just came to me. Then, time slowed to a hair from a stop. My eyes froze open, turning a shade of sapphire blue. The blue aura from before surrounded me, I could feel my mind. The world became silent, and vivid in many different colors than the human eye can originally see. It opened like a book before me, the room I was in – a chapter. The objects in the room – pages.
I could see in so many different dimensions, the world became so clear to me. I could touch anything I wanted to – disturbing it or not – without moving a finger. If I “Felt” something, I could sense its composition – what it was made of – what it truly was – it’s essence.
Although time had stopped, I noticed my energy was slowly draining; I was becoming weaker by the second. I couldn’t control this incredible power, and it would soon be my fate if I couldn’t find out how to help Tansk. His life rested in my hands, as with this new world, I could see that he was the one who wrote in the ground, not me, and that he had given me his energy. I reached out, with what seemed like my soul, and touched Tansk’s scar where the aura had burned him. This substance was a mysterious power, and I couldn’t identify what it was composed of. Then it burned me – it burned my soul. My mind quickly snapped shut, as this world flicked to nothingness. I tried grabbing on with anything, but I had nothing. Then, I felt something grab me. It wasn’t human. It was dead, another soul. I was terrified, but somehow it was me. It breathed with me, it was my thoughts. Was this why I felt strange after waking up? Was this soul with mine since the day I was born?
The soul opened my mind as my own soul slipped back into my body. It reached out, and it’s alien voice which didn’t speak our language, but I myself had spoke only a few hours before when talking to Alf, sounded so familiar. It spoke, and I felt as if I could understand it, but how? I didn’t even know what it meant. The blue liquid, like my aura, evaporated in blue smoke. Alf then got up, staggering, and holding his hand, shocked. But, for some reason, this vivid world still showed Alf still laying there on the ground. Did I just see the future? The soul vanished, and I felt alone. Then, the other world faded, and I felt weak. I slumped to the ground on my hands and knees, panting. The aura evaporated. I trembled as I thought of what just happened. Was it a dream?
I lifted my cloak from my face, and Alf knelt next to me, shaking me. He seemed of perfect health. “Stensin? STENSIN! Can you hear me? Are you ok?” I nodded, trembling. “You…you just used magic...”

[Sol Vent]

NO! It mustn't end! My stomach was in my throat for the past two chapters! You're a better fantasy writer than everyone at my school combined. (Then again, I have a pretty small school.) I can't wait to read the rest.

Also, about your style, you have the great storytelling ability to draw conclusions by creating more questions. It keeps the reader eager for more. I know I am!

[Sanjo]

Couldn't agree with you more, ragnarok.

Awesome way to tie everything in!...somewhat...

As much as I want the next chapter, take your time. I understand. Despite the loss of my lower jaw I still enjoy a high standard of living.

[red.yoshi]

No, the next chapter I have. I'm pretty sure this is all of it! Its very confusing! Lol. The chapter after this one is still on a paper. If you guys still want me to move on, then I'll get around to typing it up and doing rough edits.

Chapter 18
From that moment on, I felt different. My amulet had become a part of me. I was truly an elvan. I didn’t sleep as Alf fed me, and gave me potions to drink to bring me fully back. He didn’t talk much to me.
After a couple days, he told me to get on my feet. I stood tall, erect, and perfectly healthy. Tansk paced back and forth with his hand on his chin, thinking. “You used magic a couple of days ago.” He whispered. I didn’t speak, I didn’t know what he was getting at, and even though my body had performed strangely, I felt as if it wasn’t me actually doing the ‘magic’. “…This magic that you’ve used though…it isn’t elvish…” he stopped pacing for a moment, turning to look me directly in the eye as if he thought I was going to ask a question. I just sat there with my mouth open, not knowing what to say. If it wasn’t elvish, then what was it? Then he spoke to me without moving. “When I look into your eyes, I see a world that is a mystery. I can catch onto fragments of your human mind but nothing more. It is a strange world where sometimes I can’t tell weather I’m living anymore, or if it’s just a horrible dream.” I thought Tasnk was strange; I had no idea what he was talking about. Then he walked over to me, and pressed his hand onto my forehead. “See for yourself.” He whispered as my vision slowly faded.
I started to panic. Things, memories, myself, everything I knew and what I was to become floated around me. I was suspended myself. I was just a soul, a lost soul in my own imagination. I didn’t think Tansk was all that strange anymore, although I couldn’t understand him either. What had he done to me? I yelled, but I was just a soul. A ball of light, not even human. Then I experienced another presence. It felt similar if not exactly the same to that which saved Alf.
My soul reached out, trying to grab anything, trying to seek this presence. It was such a strange feeling as my soul reached. It felt like my body stretched, as if everything in my body was flexible. I was truly my soul though, and I had no body. This other presence touched my soul. It felt so alien, but yet, so familiar. It felt warm, it felt like me. The presence quickly departed, and I felt alone. My thoughts disappeared and I longed for the presence. My soul – myself started to fade. Just before my soul it diminished itself, the alien presence surged into my soul.
I jolted awake. Alf retrieved his hand, and started pacing again as if nothing happened. “I want to teach you about magic.” He whispered to me under his breath as if he was talking to himself. “I don’t know if you’re accustomed to the same types of magic the elves use.” He muttered. “What do you mean? I don’t understand.” I replied. I was extremely lost, and I had no idea how magic worked, what the presence inside of me was, where I was, who I was, or what I was. I started to mentally everything I ever had known. Alf nodded to himself, and then stared at me again. “We shall start with the first rule of magic which is rarely spoken. It is more of a trick than a rule itself.”
He walked over to me, and moved his mouth to my ear as if he was telling me a secret. I could feel his warm breath, and then the hiss of his whisper: “Rule one, never let your enemy stare you in the eye.”