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Post by Gene L.D. Ryoko on Apr 4, 2005 22:59:43 GMT -5
this story is about how yoshi gets famous, and how mario loses everything.
in other words,yoshi fans every where love yoshi some much. they kick mario on to the street,luigi gets a big mansion cause people love him too. yoshi wants nothing of this tries to help mario,but then mario ends up sick. a cop tries to take him to the hospital, but mario gets kicked out by yoshi fans,so while mario is close to dieing, yoshi tries to find a way to end it and go back to his peaceful life again.
prolog:
mario,the resident hero of the mushroom kingdom, is always on a mission to save the mushroom kinddom. yoshi,however,loves to stay home and lazely lie around. unfortunelatly this is about to change. to yoshi's from a city known as yoshi's corner, devised a plan to make yoshi over run mario. after every day mario heads to his favorite bands concerts(the rocking yoshi's) but this day mario was walking twords(sp) the place, he was stoped, buy the body gaurds."hold it",yelled gaurd 1. "we got word from the boss that you arn't alowed here",finished gaurd 2. "what" questioned mario. "run home,mario, yoshi fans wan you to not show at all events by yoshi's,including the rocken yoshies concerts". "b...bu....but,why" stammered mario. "because,they hate you and they think you hog the spotlight" the want you you retire" said the first gaurd. mario doesn't reply,just walks away,tears from his eyes. anjil cames form a bush nerby to tell mario the bad news. yoshi is the hero,mario has zero.
to be continued
stay tuned for ch. 1,no more anjil's left to guide me
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Post by Yoshee&Champ on Apr 6, 2005 21:59:34 GMT -5
Does Author's Comments mean we can't reply?
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Post by Gene L.D. Ryoko on Apr 7, 2005 5:44:34 GMT -5
athour comments mean i talk about the story,you can still reply
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Post by Yoshee&Champ on Apr 7, 2005 22:16:31 GMT -5
oh ok. I don't think Mario is that bad... But it makes an okay storyline. I'd like to see the whole story ;D
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Post by UMS Author Lava on May 7, 2005 11:05:36 GMT -5
I like Mario lots and I feel kinda hurt reading that he's kicked out everywhere.
Can I help stand up for him?
Just kidding. I'm trying to beat up Nascour, so I won't be available.
Hey, wait--GACK!!!... ... ...OW... ... ... ...MOMMY... ... ...
Nascour: Sorry, but Lava's unavailable at the moment--(gets tripped)
Shut up, punk.
Nascour: OK, you asked for it!!!!
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Post by Yoshee&Champ on May 7, 2005 14:23:30 GMT -5
XD I'll fill in for you, Lava.
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Post by UMS Author Lava on May 7, 2005 20:55:19 GMT -5
Thanx, Yoshee! Now I can keep beating up Nascour! AHAHAHAHAH!!! Burn, baby! BUURRRRRRN!!!!!
Nascour: SOMEONE GET THIS GUY AWAY!!! This crazy clone's keeping me from taking over the w--I mean, getting home!!
Whatever you say, ya twit.
Nascour: OK, you asked for it! LE MIME!!! Get in here!... ... ...Heheheheh! He's gonna whip you good!
Le Mime: (sticks thumb to door)
Nascour: What?! You can't be going home now!
Le Mime: (holds hands in golf club fashion and whacks Nascour w/"golf club", then leaves)
AHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Freeze, baby! FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE!!!!!!!!
Nascour: EEK!!!... ... ... ...HELP... ... ... ... ...OUCH... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
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Post by red.yoshi on May 7, 2005 23:10:03 GMT -5
^lol X DDD
cool story line. mario's been mean to yoshi yoshi, making him ride to mc'koops so he can get a goomba burger!
...dont mind me
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Post by Gene L.D. Ryoko on May 16, 2005 21:24:48 GMT -5
what the heck is going on you ask
"yoshiken was a faild expariment,the yoshikenitis wars almost was a success in bring the world to it's knee's", hissed professor dectur,"but you, blood, shall be a better expariment". "you will make mario a zero,and then i can take over the world",he hissed. dectur then takes a needle and stabs blood,giving him a virus similar to the yoshikenitis virus.
"nnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooo",screamed blood. out side was a spy for YC,a very suprised joshi.
part one of ch. 1
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Post by Yoshee&Champ on May 17, 2005 21:21:22 GMT -5
^ now we have a reason  ... Hehe, I'll watch like a detective XD |
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Post by Gene L.D. Ryoko on May 17, 2005 21:30:16 GMT -5
"anjil,please come here", said yoshiken. "what for", she replied. "i think somethink is happening",he said. she replyed,"what do you think is happening". "professor dectur"
"you mean". "the same doctor who started the yoshikenitis wars" he said. "anjil,be mario's gaurdien angle, but don't let him know it"
meanwhile
"if it weren't for you,lava,i would be lonley" said mario. "i know, anjil said she had to think so she left" lava replied.
they both sighed.
to be continued......
stay tuned for ch. 2,assault of the yomechs
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Post by Yoshee&Champ on May 17, 2005 21:33:12 GMT -5
*takes notes* XD just kidding. Pretty good so far, keep it up!
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Post by Gene L.D. Ryoko on May 17, 2005 21:44:08 GMT -5
before the nxt chapter i will explain what the yomechs are,you all know that blood has that virus,it passes on to others. the yomechs are veicles that professor dectur built so the ihatemarioitis victems have a mech to pilot,the yomechs
script from the admins log:
we have found another virus. we have no idea what it does. we think it has somethng to do with the members acting up.
someone is comeing, log out
tim
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Post by bloodoftheyoshi on May 17, 2005 22:58:10 GMT -5
Do not! Use my character without asking me first! Understand? Other than that this story is just terrible, I highly doubt you asked ANYONE for permission to use their characters, these chapters are hella short, and make no sense. I notice that you never capitlize your plural nouns, like names, or places just in case you didn't know. From me, this gets two thumbs down, and a fart. Congratulations.
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Post by Lazo on May 17, 2005 23:26:09 GMT -5
Ok. Let's work through this. Before it can be continued, several points have to be worked out:
Ask for usage before committing to a storyline, not after the ideas are already entered. Now you're going to have to re-create the entire peice.
You need to slow down your chapter entries. Right now there are three different segments that have little to do with each other. Think things through, before entering them, they could all be combined.
You need to make the segments longer. The entries seem to be bouncing everywhere, and there isn't much description. We need background, location, thoughts, feelings of each character, vehicle and place as appropriate.
You don't seem to have much yet. Carefully plan what's going to happen, before commiting yourself to an entry.
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Post by Gene L.D. Ryoko on May 18, 2005 6:08:51 GMT -5
just close this then, i stink at makeing fanfics and i thought this was good one.  Blood: you realy hurt my feelings lazo: ok |
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Courtesy of Red. Yoshi. Thanks! 
