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Post by Ultraloco on Sept 29, 2005 19:22:44 GMT -5
Here'z ma 1st fanfic! anyway, let me know if u want me 2 continue. One day on yoshi's island I was reading a really old book when I found something that caught ma eye: the future crystal. I went back into ma house 2 call yoshiken. (telephone ring) Yoshiken: hello? Ultraloco:Yoshiken! u won't belive dis but I found dis page in the book o' pizzar and it said there's a crystal dat can see into da future, it can propibly tell u what your firstborn baby looks like! yoshiken: huh?  |
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Post by Yoshi Master! on Sept 29, 2005 19:37:44 GMT -5
You could explain more stuff.
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Post by moshi5694 on Sept 29, 2005 19:39:56 GMT -5
And work on your spelling too.This isn't a chat room where you use ur,u,da,dat,ma and other things.
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Post by Gene L.D. Ryoko on Sept 29, 2005 19:46:00 GMT -5
you should also ask people before useing their character
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Post by UMS Author Lava on Sept 30, 2005 7:30:27 GMT -5
Here's my 1st fanfic! Anyway, let me know if you want me to continue. One day on Yoshi's Island, I was reading a really old book when I found something that caught my eye: the Future Crystal. I went back into my house to call Yoshiken. (telephone ring) Yoshiken: Hello? Ultraloco: Yoshiken! You won't believe this but I found this page in the Book o' Pizzar and it said there's a crystal that can see into the future, it can probably tell you what your firstborn baby looks like! Yoshiken: Huh? OK, it's tidied up a bit. |
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Post by Ultraloco on Sept 30, 2005 15:54:56 GMT -5
alright here I go: (Shows yoshiken on the telephone) Ultraloco: jus' meet me at the trainyard! -_- Yoshiken: alright. (shows yoshiken and me at a train yard talking) Ultraloco: alright, let's call everyone. (gets out cell phone and shows Anjil's house) phone:ring! ring Anjil: yellow? Ultraloco: anjil! meet me at the train yard! pronto! ( later shows everyone at the train yard) Ultraloco:that's why we need to get it. yoshee:cool.  |
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Post by Yin on Sept 30, 2005 16:12:31 GMT -5
Okay. Needs more words and maybe when you write it like a script like that put a space in between so it easier to read. Like this:
Anjil: Blah blah.
Yoshiken: Blah blah blah.
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Post by Gene L.D. Ryoko on Sept 30, 2005 17:24:05 GMT -5
your useing people with permission arn't you,i got in trouble for that
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Post by Yoshiken on Sept 30, 2005 17:50:49 GMT -5
eh dont worry about using me or Anjil, I like it when people use me in pictures and Fan Fics XD
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Post by Tempest on Oct 2, 2005 8:39:14 GMT -5
Oy.. this was really painful to read. Looks like Yoshiken and Anjil have a fan stalker.. Ultraloco, you seem to be only including Anjil and Yoshiken in EVERYTHING YOU DO, just to get a little attention from them. Also, your story has no form, as well as poor grammar and spelling, so you might want to fix that up.
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Post by Yin on Oct 2, 2005 12:32:12 GMT -5
I agree very much with Tempest. Everything here doesn't always revolve around Anjil and Yoshiken you know! There some other couples around here and some members are more active than the staff! (no offense staff.)
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Post by Lord of the Dance on Oct 2, 2005 14:37:11 GMT -5
You didn't really explain any storyline, and why is this going on anyways? It has a decent storyline, but it kinda lacks suspence, grammar, and reason... =/ I'm okay with you using my character, but why does everything you do include Yoshiken and Anjil?
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Post by Ultraloco on Oct 2, 2005 16:01:22 GMT -5
Alright, I'll stop working on it!  (steam whistle) |
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Post by Gene L.D. Ryoko on Oct 2, 2005 16:05:09 GMT -5
you should also try makeing up fancharacters,i've got over 10
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Post by UMS Author Lava on Oct 3, 2005 7:33:15 GMT -5
I've got Treyba, the other Klaws, Fantasy Guy, my style of Bahamut, Valkyrie, and Don Tonberry.
And the upcoming Teh L33t Organization. They are neither good or evil.
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