Post by shez on May 10, 2006 14:37:50 GMT -5
Yo peoplez....yes I know I havnt been here for a while LEVEL UP ! ! Not like anyone missed me XD
Anyway...decided to let you lot critisize (sp?) ma fan-fic...well, the prologe so far XD Still in development thanks to *coughschoolcough* Anyway, critisize...yada yada
Prolouge
Shez plucks up the courage to look up. He lifts his head and slowly rocks back and forth sat down when he sees the bodies of several dead yoshis. ‘No! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!’
He springs up and is sitting in his bed, trembling and sweating. ‘It was only a dream…it was only a dream’ He calms down and looks at the clock, it’s only 4AM. ‘I can’t sleep again, I cant get driven insane by something like this. Although…why cant I remember anything about that dream…’ He gets up, slightly frustrated, and looks out the hazy window into the horizon of Lake City. All of a sudden, the alarm on the clock went off. In a flurry of confusion, Shez looks at the clock. It read ‘8:30AM’ ‘Oh no! I must of slept late!’ He turns and runs out his apartment but trips up on the foot mat. He ignores this and runs with his backpack to Lake school. He was just starting his first year at the school since he only celebrated his 7th birthday a few weeks ago.
With a deep breath, he walks into the buzzing school grounds and looks around. He sees many other yoshis his age and walks into the school. Shez walks up to the office and talks to the bored yoshi waiting there. ‘Excuse me?’ She doesn’t see him ad just keeps gazing at the head teacher, muttering something under her breath. ‘EXCUSE ME?!’ He gets a little impatient, the lady gets surprised by Shez. ‘Oh, excuse me…you’re new aren’t you?’ With a smile she pats Shezs’ head. He can’t help but laugh a bit. ‘Come on, follow me to your teacher’ Shez runs up beside the lady and walks beside her. They stop at a classroom door that says ‘Mrs. June’ on it in calligraphy-styled writing. Shez gets excited at the fact of meeting a whole load of new friends in the classroom and gets into a happy mood. The office lady walks in and gives the teacher a few forms that say ‘Shez’ on it and she walks back out. With a big smile, she says. ‘Okay, Shez. You can go in now’ She turns back and walks to the office again. Shez takes a deep breath in and walks into the classroom. To the left are about 20 other yoshis, all focused on him. And to the right is Mrs June. ‘Ah, you must be Shez. Class, this is Shez, you’re new classmate.’ The room stays silent for a while. ‘Awww…that’s not how to greet someone! Wake up kids!’ All the students let out a tired-sounding ‘Hello Shez’ and just look at the board again. It says ‘Lake City history test’ Written on it. He presumed that’s why they were all a bit down. ‘Oh, Shez. You’ll be sitting next to...’ She checks her list a few times. While he’s waiting, Shez looks at the other students. He notices a blue yoshi silently listening to music on some headphones; another slightly darker blue yoshi reading a book, and a lion cub, playing around with a cone on his neck. ‘Shez? Did you hear me? You’ll be sitting next to Blooshi’ ‘Oh, thanks Mrs….but, which ones Blooshi?’ Shez gets a bit embarrassed and avoids looking at the class. ‘Blooshi sits over there, across from Eloeem’ She points to the yoshi with the headphones. Shez walks over to his seat and happily sits down. ‘Ummm, hi….Blooshi is it?’ The yoshi doesn’t realise Shez is even there because of the headphones, though just as he was about to shout, a yoshi tugged on his wing. ‘Hey, you the new kid?’ She said in a soft voice. ‘Yeah…I’m Shez, and you?’ Shez gets a bit shy. ‘I’m Jeshi, nice to meet you, Shez’ The teacher then shouts out ‘Okay class! Now its time for the history test!’ A large sigh fills the room. ‘Shez, you can sit this out since you haven’t been here long enough to know what we’ve done. Just go to the library and read a book. Hunter will show you, he hasn’t been here long enough either’ Both Shez and Hunter get up and leave the room. They start walking down the empty hallway. ‘So you’re Shez eh?’ Hunter questioned ‘Nice to meet you. His is only my third day here’ He laughed and smiled at Shez. They keep walking until Shez hears a noise behind him. He freezes and turns around. The hallway becomes darker and Shez can’t move. He turns around and sees two eyes staring at him. The silence is suffocating him. All of a sudden, the darkness goes and Hunter nudges Shez. ‘Hey, something wrong?’ Shez shivers and keeps walking. ‘I-Its nothing….I think’
Hopefully (if anyone likes/cares) Ill post the rest here...or not *shot* Oh...and if anyone wonders why it starts in a school, its long and boring, but time progresses and stuff happens...yada yada
Anyway...decided to let you lot critisize (sp?) ma fan-fic...well, the prologe so far XD Still in development thanks to *coughschoolcough* Anyway, critisize...yada yada
Prolouge
Shez plucks up the courage to look up. He lifts his head and slowly rocks back and forth sat down when he sees the bodies of several dead yoshis. ‘No! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!’
He springs up and is sitting in his bed, trembling and sweating. ‘It was only a dream…it was only a dream’ He calms down and looks at the clock, it’s only 4AM. ‘I can’t sleep again, I cant get driven insane by something like this. Although…why cant I remember anything about that dream…’ He gets up, slightly frustrated, and looks out the hazy window into the horizon of Lake City. All of a sudden, the alarm on the clock went off. In a flurry of confusion, Shez looks at the clock. It read ‘8:30AM’ ‘Oh no! I must of slept late!’ He turns and runs out his apartment but trips up on the foot mat. He ignores this and runs with his backpack to Lake school. He was just starting his first year at the school since he only celebrated his 7th birthday a few weeks ago.
With a deep breath, he walks into the buzzing school grounds and looks around. He sees many other yoshis his age and walks into the school. Shez walks up to the office and talks to the bored yoshi waiting there. ‘Excuse me?’ She doesn’t see him ad just keeps gazing at the head teacher, muttering something under her breath. ‘EXCUSE ME?!’ He gets a little impatient, the lady gets surprised by Shez. ‘Oh, excuse me…you’re new aren’t you?’ With a smile she pats Shezs’ head. He can’t help but laugh a bit. ‘Come on, follow me to your teacher’ Shez runs up beside the lady and walks beside her. They stop at a classroom door that says ‘Mrs. June’ on it in calligraphy-styled writing. Shez gets excited at the fact of meeting a whole load of new friends in the classroom and gets into a happy mood. The office lady walks in and gives the teacher a few forms that say ‘Shez’ on it and she walks back out. With a big smile, she says. ‘Okay, Shez. You can go in now’ She turns back and walks to the office again. Shez takes a deep breath in and walks into the classroom. To the left are about 20 other yoshis, all focused on him. And to the right is Mrs June. ‘Ah, you must be Shez. Class, this is Shez, you’re new classmate.’ The room stays silent for a while. ‘Awww…that’s not how to greet someone! Wake up kids!’ All the students let out a tired-sounding ‘Hello Shez’ and just look at the board again. It says ‘Lake City history test’ Written on it. He presumed that’s why they were all a bit down. ‘Oh, Shez. You’ll be sitting next to...’ She checks her list a few times. While he’s waiting, Shez looks at the other students. He notices a blue yoshi silently listening to music on some headphones; another slightly darker blue yoshi reading a book, and a lion cub, playing around with a cone on his neck. ‘Shez? Did you hear me? You’ll be sitting next to Blooshi’ ‘Oh, thanks Mrs….but, which ones Blooshi?’ Shez gets a bit embarrassed and avoids looking at the class. ‘Blooshi sits over there, across from Eloeem’ She points to the yoshi with the headphones. Shez walks over to his seat and happily sits down. ‘Ummm, hi….Blooshi is it?’ The yoshi doesn’t realise Shez is even there because of the headphones, though just as he was about to shout, a yoshi tugged on his wing. ‘Hey, you the new kid?’ She said in a soft voice. ‘Yeah…I’m Shez, and you?’ Shez gets a bit shy. ‘I’m Jeshi, nice to meet you, Shez’ The teacher then shouts out ‘Okay class! Now its time for the history test!’ A large sigh fills the room. ‘Shez, you can sit this out since you haven’t been here long enough to know what we’ve done. Just go to the library and read a book. Hunter will show you, he hasn’t been here long enough either’ Both Shez and Hunter get up and leave the room. They start walking down the empty hallway. ‘So you’re Shez eh?’ Hunter questioned ‘Nice to meet you. His is only my third day here’ He laughed and smiled at Shez. They keep walking until Shez hears a noise behind him. He freezes and turns around. The hallway becomes darker and Shez can’t move. He turns around and sees two eyes staring at him. The silence is suffocating him. All of a sudden, the darkness goes and Hunter nudges Shez. ‘Hey, something wrong?’ Shez shivers and keeps walking. ‘I-Its nothing….I think’
Hopefully (if anyone likes/cares) Ill post the rest here...or not *shot* Oh...and if anyone wonders why it starts in a school, its long and boring, but time progresses and stuff happens...yada yada
