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Post by Dragon on Aug 8, 2005 21:17:57 GMT -5
This is my corniest poem yet... in my opinion anyway. It was obviously written when I was bored...
Here I am once again,
in this place called school,
now I need a moment of zen,
just to keep my cool.
Oh great! It's time to work,
where'd I put my pencil?
In these halls teachers lurk,
now I could use a sleeping pill.
Oooh! It's finally lunch hour,
what's on the menu today?
Ew! That food makes me cower,
wait, I have my own lunch, yay!
Now to home I must tread,
it'll be some good exercise,
I cannot wait to plop on my bed,
and in my dreams eat lots of pies.
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Post by Lord of the Dance on Aug 9, 2005 8:46:35 GMT -5
LOL ;D Sounds like something someone would say at my old school... "wait, I have my owm lunch. Yay!"  |
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Post by Enrique on Aug 9, 2005 11:58:47 GMT -5
Quite humorous, Dragon!
I know someone at my school who would relate to that.
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Tsukasa
Junior Yoshi
Awww! Cheer up. Thanks for the avatar Yonie.
Posts: 80
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Post by Tsukasa on Aug 9, 2005 19:43:06 GMT -5
Thats a really great poem Dragon!
I aslo used to know someone like that before I moved to Georgia, and actually tried to pretend to have a concussion to get out of class.
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Post by Dragon on Aug 9, 2005 22:00:57 GMT -5
XD, glad you guys like it, I thought it was too childish myself, but I hate alot of my work anyways.  |
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Post by Kasen on Aug 12, 2005 12:07:03 GMT -5
eat lot of pies...lol it explains school very well..I allways lose my pencils ha ^_^
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Post by red.yoshi on Aug 12, 2005 17:51:23 GMT -5
haha dragon, its cute! great job!
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Post by yoshicreator on Aug 13, 2005 20:06:16 GMT -5
I agree, it is a nice lighthearted poem, fun rhyming, it is uplifting but tells a story at the same time. Maybe instead of eating pies in your dreams it could be " watch tv and eat lots of pies.
I don't know, just some crazy idea!
~*YC*~
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Post by Dragon on Aug 14, 2005 0:01:35 GMT -5
Ooooh, I like that idea YC! Here, what about this ending?:
Now to home I must tread,
it'll be some good exercise,
I cannot wait to plop on my bed,
watch tv, and eat lots of pies.
Should I keep the "and" in? I think it sounds better without it, but then it'd be grammatically incorrect. What do you think?
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Post by yoshicreator on Aug 14, 2005 12:28:40 GMT -5
Maybe instead of "lots of" which sounds clunky put in a flavor "cherry pies" or "chocolate pies" which for some reason fits better with the "and" than "lots of"!
Say it out loud to make sure you agree and then decide, because I think the "and" is okay but the "lots of" is your problem!
~*YC*~
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