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Post by Lord of the Dance on Aug 11, 2005 9:03:02 GMT -5
I liked the first and second ones. You did a very good job with the rhyming. They had a lot of meaning, too ;D
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Post by Dragon on Aug 11, 2005 21:13:55 GMT -5
Wow, those are good and long, that's one thing I like! And this line from the first one, "No Tears Shed When I Cry," explains me so well sometimes. Anyway, I like these alot, you put effort into these I can tell! I'd like to see more YC!
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Post by Kasen on Aug 12, 2005 12:05:40 GMT -5
hey great job, I really enjoy the first one a lot...but I dotn see anything wrong with any of them..XD
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Post by red.yoshi on Aug 12, 2005 17:39:03 GMT -5
i really dont like all the rythming, but thats just my opinion. i also dont like, in the first and secound poems, hot lines are just added to make it rythme. otherwise, your poems are well written, and give a deep meaning.
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Post by Not-Garr on Aug 13, 2005 2:13:15 GMT -5
Ignore Red, sometimes he says things that make no sense, actually. I enjoyed the first poem, nice and dark, and it had a beat to it that made it even better repeated out loud. I'm not a fan of poems of the sense variety, but that one was good as well, I think. The rap is very rythymic, but you might wanna add a few lines, make it longer, and perhaps work on the wording a little.
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Post by UMS Author Lava on Aug 25, 2005 15:37:49 GMT -5
They're-a good! But-a...don't-a double post. If-a you're-a gonna put-a more stuff in, and-a no one responded-a yet, you can-a use-a the "Modify" thingy and-a add-a the stuff.
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Post by Not-Garr on Aug 25, 2005 16:39:56 GMT -5
They're-a good! But-a...don't-a double post. If-a you're-a gonna put-a more stuff in, and-a no one responded-a yet, you can-a use-a the "Modify" thingy and-a add-a the stuff. Wow, again with the uberbumping late posts, Lava. What's with you today? And please, oh PLEASE never-a do that-a fake Italian-a accent again. OK? It's really annoying. As for the wording, I can't quite place it, YC, but... It seems sort of off, try substuting words here or there, or changing whole phrases. |
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Post by UMS Author Lava on Aug 26, 2005 7:56:16 GMT -5
They're-a good! But-a...don't-a double post. If-a you're-a gonna put-a more stuff in, and-a no one responded-a yet, you can-a use-a the "Modify" thingy and-a add-a the stuff. Wow, again with the uberbumping late posts, Lava. What's with you today? And please, oh PLEASE never-a do that-a fake Italian-a accent again. OK? It's really annoying. As for the wording, I can't quite place it, YC, but... It seems sort of off, try substuting words here or there, or changing whole phrases. OK Rage, you're REALLY ticking me off now!!  FYI, The post before mine was in the SAME MONTH. |
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Post by Enrique on Aug 26, 2005 8:03:32 GMT -5
Back on topic...
I only really saw the last one, but it was very good. I don't think it should be a rap though, but it does have some good meaning to it.
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Post by Dragon on Oct 6, 2005 17:20:02 GMT -5
Very good viewpoints, how did I forget about reading these poems? Anyhoo, I really like it, you got your beliefs across very well, and they make perfect sense and to me it's the truth. I mean, Earth could be a needle in a haystack, or a hundred haystacks, but why am I telling you something you probably already know? Ack, rambling, STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Slaps himself* Ouch, that hurt... Anyhow, great stuff, I look forward to reading more!
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