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Smile
Sept 21, 2006 0:11:01 GMT -5
Post by Yoshiko on Sept 21, 2006 0:11:01 GMT -5
You smile at me and say you're "Fine", "Tell me the truth" is how I reply. Up upon this endless vine, Is where I've always had to climb, To really see how things went, To see if you were quite bent. You tell me constantly you're "Fine", But deep down I see the line, Where "Fine" and "miserable" both come together. And, I say, you're on the bad side of the weather. Smile like you mean it. Smile like you care. Smile like you love me. Smile like you want to share. Just smile, smile is all I ask, Is it such a complicated task? Smile if you're happy. Frown if you're not. Scream and shout, Do all but rot. Become more than a memory. Show me what you truly can be. Smile, leave the impress'nable face, Please don't leave me without a trace. Here and now is where I need thee, So smile, smile, and be with me.
Pfeh. one word: Horrible. Honestly! I can't do poetry for beeeeeaaans. (I don't like beans. =D) Okay, so maybe it flows... Somewhat decently in a part or two, but overall, it's horribly choppy and whatnot. Not too good a rhythm too it, or anything. So, yuh. Another horribly horrible poem written by yours truly.
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Smile
Sept 23, 2006 0:07:49 GMT -5
Post by Lord of the Dance on Sept 23, 2006 0:07:49 GMT -5
Like you said, the rhythm was off a bit. Just a little, though.
It made me smile. You always have good themes, and your word choice gets better with each poem you write.
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Smile
Sept 23, 2006 0:15:35 GMT -5
Post by Yoshiko on Sept 23, 2006 0:15:35 GMT -5
Of course it was. This was by me. >:
I'm glad I could make you smile, though. That makes me smile. XD I kinda write about themes I see in my life, really. And, thanks, Yoshee.
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