daisy the hero!

[dancingyoshi]

CHAPTER 1
When Peach woke up she changed into her dress and went down the stairs when she got down there was note from bowser it read-
Dear Princess Peach
Its only a matter of time before mario,luigi,toad and yoshi are slaves forever and soon i will get you and daisy.You will be my slaves and if you annoy me in any way you will be locked in my cell forever!Its useless to hide.
from BOWSER
Peach was horrified so she decided to warn daisy.So she sent a letter to daisy.
later at princess daisy's land she was practicing tennis when her servent gave her a letter it read-
Dear Daisy
beware Bowser has got mario,luigi,toad and yoshi!Bowser is planning to make them slaves forever!He wants to kidnapp us aswell!Please meet me at my castle right away!
from your best friend Peach
Daisy ran to her car bloom coach and sped off to peaches castle.When she got there she ran to the front door and knocked.No answer.the door was unlocked so she walked in.there was a not on the door she picked it up.
CHAPTER 2
The note read-
dear daisy
I knew you'd visit peaches castle after that letter peach sent you.I have sent my koopa kids out to get you!Oh and peach has been kidnapped.You will fail and be captured.You can't run or hide!see you soon!muwahahahahahahha
bowser
Daisy replied to herself "i can't run or hide but i can fight!"
So she ran to her bloom coach!Then she shouted "i can't believe this the tyres are flat!" so she started walking to bowsers castle.She was walking into a forest when bowser jr. jumped out!"your mine" said bowser Jr..bowser jr punched daisy."hahahahaha i win!"daisy said "think you can get rid of me that easily then she kicked him with all her power and thrashed him to the ground!Daisy said "that good enough for ya?"Bowser Jr. replied "one of us koopas will get you!"Bowser Jr. ran away!
to be continued

what do you think?

EDIT:sorry can i have this moved to other fan fics?

[Dragon]

I like it, I'd like to see how it turns out, keep it up!

[joshi]

Oh cool, a Princess Daisy story! I always thought Peach and Daisy were the opposite of best friends. But everyone sees them from different perpectives.

As for suggestions, work on your spelling and grammar. Make a separate paragraph for each conversation. Be sure to space after every period and capitalize the first letter after the period. And that is all.

[dancingyoshi]

thanks!

CHAPTER 3
Daisy was walking through the forest when there was some wierd music.Its sounded like tribal music.But she kept on walking then a shy guy jumped out.They ran up to daisy and started to put tribal make up on her.Daisy cried out "GET LOST YOU CREEPS" but it was no use.Then she got really angry and punched them away.
But then king shy guy came out with an army of shy guys."GET HER" the king shouted!They all ran at daisy.Daisy started running as fast as she could.Then when then the forest was coming to an end and then she was out of the forest.She looked behind to see that the shy guys were steping back.
It looked as if they couldn't breath out of the forest or something.Then i turned back around to see that 2 giant pirhana plants were there!
Then Mortan jumped out!"bowser jr. was easy hes a weakling but now is your real test" shouted mortan!He jumped over to daisy and tried to stamp on her.Daisy quickly got out of the way.Then she kicked mortan into a pirahna plant!It died but the other one was trying to get daisy!Mortan JR. got up tackled her down.Then when he was about punch Daisy slapped him and then need him in you know what."You got me" cried mortan jr.
A warp pipe came out of the ground.he jumped in.Daisy ran and jumped but the warp pipe had already gone down!"Nooooooo" cried daisy.

[Dragon]

Heheh, good job! Just like Joshi said though, make sure you capitalize what needs to be capitalized and so on. But read over your sentences a little more carefuly, a few of them didn't make sense because of the wording. But other than that, you're doing a pretty good job, I'd like to see how Chapter 4 turns out.

[Toshi]

Who have thought that Daisy would be the saviour?

[dancingyoshi]

i just got tired of daisy being nothing not savior not anything really just a princess so i thought i'm gonna make her the hero...

[Toshi]

Well its a cool story at the mo!

[joshi]

I kind of like Daisy being the hero! Nice job Dancing Yoshi, work on your grammar though or it may be hard for us to comprehend what you are telling us.