|
|
Post by melons on Sept 10, 2005 17:03:22 GMT -5
One day mario was walking down a dark alley then all the sudden he looked at his watch and noticed it was 11:00 and he knew the red boo's came out at 11:10 and his house was 30 minutines alway what was he to do? O my theres a orange star up in the sky i can wish to save my life but how? So mario was thinking then he thought of something! I wish for a vacum so i can suck all the boos up! 11:10 omfg theres a red boo time to suck it up *sucked up* ahh that was easy. So mario kept on walking and found something odd a blue boo i only thought red boos came out at night so mario walked over to him with caution and said *Hello* the boo disserpread into thin air so mario just kept on walking and manged to get home safely but... When he got home the blue boo was waiting for him at his front door. Can i hlep u mr blue boo the blue boo yawned at him mario was confused why did the blue boo go to his house. Sudeanly the blue boo said mario i have came to tell u a message mario was surprized "yes whats the message" princess peach wanted me to come here and ask u if u to save her... What! im just kidding i was just wondeing if u could let me sleap here for the night ok i guess... *** sleap over thanks mario np blue boo o yeah and do u want to be a part of the boo family... TO be continued what will mario do?
|
|
|
|
Post by Yoshi Master! on Sept 11, 2005 11:39:18 GMT -5
....
You have room to improve. Several city blocks worth.
|
|
|
|
Post by melons on Sept 11, 2005 18:39:03 GMT -5
.... You have room to improve. Several city blocks worth. omfg i just rejoined yester day and im not that old |
|
|
|
Post by Jacobthehero on Sept 11, 2005 18:55:36 GMT -5
Melons.....You did good job...You dont need Block thing cuz you made good story heh
|
|
|
|
Post by Jacobthehero on Sept 11, 2005 19:29:16 GMT -5
One day Mario was walking down a dark alley then all the sudden he looked at his watch and noticed it was 11:00 and he knew the red boo's came out at 11:10 and his house was 30 minutes alway what was he to do? O my theres a orange star up in the sky i can wish to save my life but how? So Mario was thinking then he thought of something! I wish for a vacuum so i can suck all the boos up! 11:10 omfg theres a red boo time to suck it up *sucked up* ahh that was easy. So Mario kept on walking and found something odd a blue boo i only thought red boos came out at night so Mario walked over to him with caution and said *Hello* the boo disappeared into thin air so Mario just kept on walking and manged to get home safely but... When he got home the blue boo was waiting for him at his front door. Can i help u Mr blue boo the blue boo yawned at him Mario was confused why did the blue boo go to his house. Suddenly the blue boo said Mario i have came to tell u a message Mario was surprised "yes whats the message" princess peach wanted me to come here and ask u if u to save her... What! I'm just kidding i was just wondering if u could let me sleep here for the night OK i guess... *** sleep over thanks Mario np blue boo o yeah and do u want to be a part of the boo family... TO be continued what will Mario do? Sorry for double posting, But I Fixed his story |
|
Alpha
Yoshi
Seriously, Do I come with Inventions or what XD. ((Sorry to everyone that I promised drawings))
Posts: 266
|
Post by Alpha on Sept 11, 2005 21:27:24 GMT -5
Good job on Story, Melons And Jacob, Good job on Fixing a Story  |
|
|
|
Post by Yoshifrog on Sept 12, 2005 19:55:04 GMT -5
Good job on Story, Melons And Jacob, Good job on Fixing a Story Yes, right^^ All it really needed was a spell check and some more description, and I think you have a nice story going there! Yoshimaster, you could've been a little nicer though. We give revisions, not hurtful criticism. |
|
|
|
Post by Yoshi Master! on Sept 12, 2005 20:19:03 GMT -5
Commas and periods.
|
|
|
|
Post by Yoshifrog on Sept 12, 2005 21:24:17 GMT -5
Thats better
|
|
|
|
Post by melons on Sept 15, 2005 20:14:06 GMT -5
Sorry guys im not that good at editing.... i might have spelled it wrong lol |
|
|
|
Post by Yoshifrog on Sept 15, 2005 20:24:07 GMT -5
Its okay, it is quicker that way anyway!
|
|
|
|
Post by Jacobthehero on Sept 15, 2005 20:40:30 GMT -5
That right, You know what? I am Spelling Checker For Story only I Can Check them Clean up Misspell and Fix it
then Clamp back on Your story then Voila, Your Story is clean and No Misspelling
|
|
|
|
Post by Lord of the Dance on Sept 15, 2005 22:59:03 GMT -5
So true. Put those in, add some nice adjectives, and you've got a pretty good story going there, melons. Good job ^^ |
|
|
|
Post by Shoe on Sept 17, 2005 11:03:00 GMT -5
 Thas perrty good melons! n_n You should use " (<--whatever theyre called...quotation marks right?) when someone says somehitng k? otherwise its a bit confusing for slow people like myself =P |
|
|
|
Post by Yoshifrog on Sept 17, 2005 11:21:00 GMT -5
What he said^^
|
|
|
|
Post by Jacobthehero on Sept 17, 2005 11:40:36 GMT -5
True....
|
|
