A Thing Called Life...

[Marik]

Life is a gift, yet it is a curse,
Filling us with hope,than pain,hunger and thirst,
There's a thing called "time" which ages us away,
Transforming us into something that's brittle and decayed,
But despair not, for life is a gift,
happiness and love are also a part of it,
So in that darkness, you find that light,
You bring it forth and you shine it bright,
So don't give up dreams and keep on fighting,
If you have to, you go to your graves screaming and biting,
This thing called life and time, they don't exist without the other,
So do what you have to, in order to make your life better....

[Rocky]

Awesome, I love it.

Only thing i would change is maybe shortening "there's a thing called time," to just "Time ages us away, Transforming us into something that's brittle and decayed." That seems to flow better.

[red.yoshi]

You are a very excellent poet. I just see different views as you >,<. I never see life as a curse. I don't think people who may have diseases like cancer would like to read this poem, if you know what I mean.

[Marik]

Jul 2, 2008 9:45:19 GMT -5 red.yoshi said:

You are a very excellent poet. I just see different views as you >,<. I never see life as a curse. I don't think people who may have diseases like cancer would like to read this poem, if you know what I mean.

I do see what you mean. But that's not what I meant. I meant sorrow,pain,anger,sadness,despair. Feelings. Not diseases. Yeah, I betcha people with terminal diseases wouldn't want to read this poem.... at first, but then It gets better, so when you wanna commit suicide or something, well, there's things worth living for. =]

Jun 30, 2008 22:46:40 GMT -5 Rocky said:

Awesome, I love it.

Only thing i would change is maybe shortening "there's a thing called time," to just "Time ages us away, Transforming us into something that's brittle and decayed." That seems to flow better.

Nah, I wanted this poem to be told from a person's point of view. Particularly an aged old man with lots of wisdom, and the pains and joys of life. Aged people are wise, because they've been through it all. My point was "Life may be hard, but then there's joys worth living through the pain that exist in life".

[red.yoshi]

I don't associate "curse" much with feelings, but that's just me. Thanks for filling me in though, I see where your coming from. In the future, you might want to work on brushing up on the harsh comparisons. People can take things literally, especially in poetry. Like me for instance who likes to search for deeper meanings and truths in poems.

By the poems you post, it seems like to contradict. Certainly not my style, but its pure good poetry. It is nice to see the word "than" in line two though, rather than the word "then." They both have separate meanings, and by placing "than" in there keeps your poem up beat and not depressing.

The comparison to time in lines 3 and 4 is also rather harsh. But everyone sees time differently. Take myself; I see time not as something that decays or something that eats at us. I see time as precious moments, and I hate for it to go by. There's many that think differently, I know.

The rest of your poem is beautiful. I just like the feeling of the poem to be expressed by the elegance of the poets words, and not such harsh and strong words. Sorry if I'm not making myself clear >,<.

[Marik]

Jul 2, 2008 19:14:00 GMT -5 red.yoshi said:

I don't associate "curse" much with feelings, but that's just me. Thanks for filling me in though, I see where your coming from. In the future, you might want to work on brushing up on the harsh comparisons. People can take things literally, especially in poetry. Like me for instance who likes to search for deeper meanings and truths in poems.

By the poems you post, it seems like to contradict. Certainly not my style, but its pure good poetry. It is nice to see the word "than" in line two though, rather than the word "then." They both have separate meanings, and by placing "than" in there keeps your poem up beat and not depressing.

The comparison to time in lines 3 and 4 is also rather harsh. But everyone sees time differently. Take myself; I see time not as something that decays or something that eats at us. I see time as precious moments, and I hate for it to go by. There's many that think differently, I know.

The rest of your poem is beautiful. I just like the feeling of the poem to be expressed by the elegance of the poets words, and not such harsh and strong words. Sorry if I'm not making myself clear >,<.

Its cool. Let me fill you in. I said the verses 3-4 for a reason. Because of all the problems in this world, the pain and sadness eats at you. Life isn't all fun and games for most people. Certaintly not. I was being philosophical. i meant that even though it may seem like the world is destroying itself from the inside out, and throwing you in it's midst, that beneath all that hardships, that there's the beautiful things in life worth living for. Worth going through all that pain for. That was my point. That was the meaning of my poem. To not give up hope, no matter what hardships life may have in store. Indeed you do think very differently than me, but your an intelligent person to talk to in matters such as these. So no problem. Thank you for letting me see it through your eyes.

[red.yoshi]

And thanks for filling me in. You're a wonderful poet.

[Rocky]

The shadow proves the sunshine, you can't have a sunrise if it's always day, right?

[Marik]

Jul 2, 2008 19:27:48 GMT -5 red.yoshi said:

And thanks for filling me in. You're a wonderful poet.

Thank you. ^^

Jul 2, 2008 21:57:14 GMT -5 Rocky said:

The shadow proves the sunshine, you can't have a sunrise if it's always day, right?

That is correct. You can't have the good without the bad...