my fan fic

[DarkAuraYoshi]

Uh...hello fellow Yoshi's Corner members around this site, I'll be doing a story since I'm in the mood just remember it's my first one so here
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--Chapter1---
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Story:
Chaos has been through out this land, a unknown Yoshi that resembles a Druid keeps invading many planets as he got the power to go through time and dimensions. He manage to attack a Space ship that lies in the Main Hero, the Main Hero resembles blue eyes, green skin and a yellow belt, he crashed into Planet Earth into a forest of an Island, the Green Yoshi was the only one to survive throughout this crash accident and wandered deep what lies in the Forest, there he found a sign saying Yoshi's Island, for years he lived in a orphanage until Bower's Elite troops came over by ship and made the fate of Yoshi's Island, months and months later and he is found by a labor signing up to the Pirates Crew.
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Chapter One
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"Ugh...when are they going to come the freak out?!" the green Yoshi said, "I am totally tired of waiting! I'm not gonna wait all day!"
And then an unknown person came along resembled brown hood and clothes, it only hide his whole body, "What do ya want you freak!" replied the Green Yoshi as the brown hooded person studied the Green Yoshi, "What do you seek in your destiny when you join the pirates? I am thinking of the future that your world shall be in torn..." said the hooded person suddenly fading away, "Ugh...what a freak! What kind of words does he speak?! "destiny"?" said the little tempered green Yoshi as he saw the pirates resembling the Koopas with clothes that look like bandit clothes, "Sorry were late, we'll accept new joiners now." said one of the Pirate, "Aw sweet! (Finally when I join them I help them take their gold and finally I'll steal all their gold at the perfect time oh I can't even think next!") said the excited Yoshi "Don't think this is a game kid! This is real dangerous stuff so if you screw up we'll have you-" explained the Pirate with the Yoshi replying, "Yeah yeah I know, walk down the plank I heard it from the cartoons ya know." said the Green Yoshi, "Well if you think your so good enough then you can join in." explained the Pirate

"But don't think this is for fun, because we can kill you for no reason depending on your skill so don't think that you're lucky kid!" said the Pirate, "Alright then!" said the Green Yoshi as he went to the Ship with the Pirates having a cold glare due to the fact that he thinks that he has a possible way for everything, as the Green Yoshi wandered around in the ships he suddenly bumped into a Rilou resembled no clothes just a normal Rilou, "Hey! Watch it!" he said, "Sweet Jesus I'm sorry, what's with you?" said the Yoshi, "Grr...it's those pirates, they can really scold you, the thing that they don't allow here is friendship, I'm really starting to get so angry." said the angered Rilou, "Hey don't be like that! It can be fun!" said the Green Yoshi, "Hm...fine, but if it gets boring I blame you." said the Rilou, "Hey, I'm just curious what's your name?" asked the Green Yoshi, ("Ugh...those common questions....."Hmph...Shinju, yours?" yours?" said the Rilou, "Arux! Arux's my name!" said the Green Yoshi, "Hmph...very well see ya." said Shinju leaving Arux behind, ("Hm...some Rilou and their hot tempered personality...urgh
but I think I can still handle it after all, the pirates and those other
ships that are willing to come in a few hours...urgh I can't wait any
longer...") though to Arux himself while taking a nap, thinking that waste time
Comments are allowed, I can't believe I can make it that long

[DarkAuraYoshi]

That's kinna what I though at first, but let's just say the Yoshi with the power to go through time and dimensions is because of his Aura weapon and orb, and the hooded person is from the future

[DarkAuraYoshi]

I apologize for the double post but that means an update
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"Ugh...I am so not the patience type but I'm gonna wait that long?! Ugh is this what being in the Crew is like?!" complained Arux as he in a bad mood waits, "I'm hardly waiting for the fun to begin! Ugh...how can I speed this up?" asked to himself, "Tch tch, this ain't a game ya know." said Shinju, "A few pirates died over the years trying to defend their ship." explained himself in front of Arux, "That's the whole reason I join in the first place though...(wand after a few weeks I'll so betray the pirates and start another life with the gold and as a Treasure hunter...this is so going so well! Muhahahahahahah!") though to himself while giving a evil expression, "Hmph...have it your way but soon or later they WILL get you." warned Shinju as he left with his Trident, "Hmph! I have been to a lot of adventures in my time, beating up so many enemies...ahh...good times, good times." said to Arux himself while thinking of the past few adventures back when he was 14, "I think I can stand to rest for a bit." said Arux going inside and taking a nap in the bed for a few hours, suddenly a large boom sound woke Arux up, "Agh...that must be an invasion or...a...yea it's that one..." said Arux while going out with his weapon slaying the the Pirate Koopas and Fuzzies, "Hah! I have never experienced this- oh wait yes I did." said Arux while bravely fending off the Pirate Koopas and Fuzzies

"Argh...what's that pirate?" said the enemy captain crew, resembled as a big fat commander with red clothes, a green face, a eye patch and a wooden feet, "That pirate is a Yoshi." said the enemy Koopa, "For a 15 year old he is tough chief, what do we do to get through him?" asked the Pirate, "Hm...let's watch for now..." suggested the captain as Arux wildly slayed a bunch of Pirates alone, "I still got the moves!" said Arux with a proud expression while noticing the captain, "YOU! I'll be taking your head off enemy commander!" said Arux as he fiercely without fear going after the enemy commander, "Hmph...try me but you shall learn not to mess with me!" said the Captain as he lands to his ship with his weapon ready, "Hmph, this shall be a worthy fight!" said Arux as he prepared a counter attack against the enemy commander while performing a fierce stomp knocking Arux down, "Ack, how could a stomp stop me!?" though to himself while the Enemy commander open his sword ready, "Prepare to die!" said the commander as he was about to kill Arux with his bloody weapon but is suddenly knocked down by Shinju, "Hmph...don't expect this so soon Arux. Because this will be the first and last assist that I have to save your butt." said Shinju while defeating the commander, "Hmph like you too would stop my might said the Pirate commander while he got hit by Arux and Shinju's repeating attack and sucessfully defeating him and putting at the Plank with their weapons ready, "Agh...I guess this is my punishment." said the Commander while getting knocked down in the sea by Arux's kick, "Tch that was easier than I though." said Arux

[Yoshiken]

Well, there are quite a decent amount of grammatical errors, and the dialogue could use work, but I do see a lot of potential in you ^^.

You definitely have a lot of good elements in the story that make it desirable to read, and I am sure you would get a lot of readers if you worked on what was mentioned beforehand.